


Worth the Weight

by stuffingstilinski



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Cheating, Chubby Eren Yeager, Chubby Kink, College AU, Dating, Depression, F/M, Fat Shaming, Football, From his dad, Kink Fic, M/M, New love, Overeating, Past Eren/Reiner, Post Break Up, Self-Esteem Issues, Weight Gain, Weight Issues, binge eating, injuries, mentions of mikasa/jean, mentions of reiner/bertolt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2019-10-29 07:33:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 33,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17803724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuffingstilinski/pseuds/stuffingstilinski
Summary: Eren thought he had it all. He had a great family, amazing friends, the most popular boyfriend on the SU campus. He thought they were in love, until he caught Reiner sleeping with someone Eren thought was just a friend.After his superficial world shattered into pieces, Eren spent the Summer hiding and eating his feelings. He hadn't thought about the consequences, until he had to go back to campus twice the size he was when he left. All he wants is to be left alone, but it's hard when his friends are worried, and some random, hot stranger insists on taking him out.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is another story I've been working on for a while. Post break up fics are one of my faves. I've always wanted to post for AOT and i'm finally doing it! Whoo! 
> 
> This is un-beta'd. **THIS IS A KINK FIC. DONT LIKE DONT READ**
> 
> I have the whole thing finished, but I'm not sure how many chapters I'm splitting it into quite yet. I'll update that when I know. 
> 
> Just a little warning for this chapter...The opening line is a little harsh from Jean and there is some fat shaming from Eren's dad so be warned. He's doing it as a concerned parent but his approach is meh. This should be the only chapter with anything like that.

_“Mikasa, don't get me wrong, I've learned to love your brother…but we can't pretend he didn't gain like fifty pounds since the end of last school year...”_

As if college wasn’t tragic enough, finding out your boyfriend was cheating on you at the big end of the year party in front of everyone was literally the worst. At least it is for Eren.

He probably should've figured really. How he'd ever managed to secure campus royalty like Reiner Bran was beyond him. Sure, his family had money, but that wasn't really that special. It wasn’t _his._ Everyone knew the quarterback was meant to be with someone like a head cheerleader, like a Christa. If she wasn't dating Ymir, they would've been the greatest power couple of all time. Eren had seen Reiner make eyes at her more than once. If anything, he thought maybe Reiner might make a pass at her. He'd been completely blindsided to find out Reiner was sleeping with his wide receiver, Bertholdt, for the last year while he walked the campus obliviously thinking they were just friends.

God he wished he'd never walked into the bedroom that Friday night. He could've gone the rest of his college career without seeing them together. He could've gone into junior year living in complete ignorant bliss—riding Reiners coat tails through popularity like he had been the last two years. The only downside to dating the most popular guy at school, was that everyone knew who you were too. There was nowhere Eren could go where someone didn't know what had happened…

So Eren spent the summer not going anywhere at all.

He spent the next three months confined to his parent’s house. He occupied his days with wallowing in self pity, avoiding people and drowning his sorrows in copious amounts of comfort food. It seemed like a good idea at the time, until school started back up and Eren realized binge eating wasn't the best answer to his problems.

He was wrong. There were worse things than being humiliated by your cheating boyfriend  at a party…and that was showing up back to school fat, pathetic and alone after your boyfriend cheated on you at a party.

X

Being the center of attention had never really been something Eren had sought out before, but he had liked the attention he got from being with Reiner. It was vein, but he liked people knowing they were together. He'd liked being at the top of the food chain. Maybe it was stupid, but he'd liked feeling special.

His father was a doctor, the best this region had ever seen. Dr. Jaeger was famous all across the country, having performed numerous difficult surgeries, written books and headlining symposiums. Eren's mother was nothing short of gorgeous. She'd developed a lucrative career in her own right, commercial modeling, then managing talent before taking over the PR side of his father’s career. His sister Mikasa was every bit as beautiful and incredibly talented. She'd mastered literally ever sport she'd ever attempted—leading the gymnastics team to titles every year so far. Hell, his best friend Armin was a shoe in for valedictorian just like in high school. Eren was handsome, sure. He was smart enough. He was athletic enough, but never better than any of them. The most interesting thing about him had been dating Reiner, if only because it made him stand out. It was like if Reiner, who could have anybody he wanted, wanted _him_ —well then Eren must've been pretty special.

Now though, standing out was the last thing he wanted. He could hear the whispers as he walked down the halls. People were wondering where he'd been all summer. It wasn’t a huge college, but it held a few thousand students. Most kids who went to Stohess University lived a few hours away. Yet this year he hadn't shown up to any of the major Summer events. People he'd never met asked each other if they'd heard what happened. Others expressed sympathy and even more wondered if something about him looked off. He'd never wanted to be left alone more in his life than right now. He should've begged his mother to transfer him to another school or just go online. Anything would be better than finally facing his fall from grace.

He walked the halls, just trying to make it to his classes without running into his Reiner, or Bertholdt, or anyone else he actually knew. Mikasa was a given. They lived in the same junior dormitory together, and were even on the same floor. She could pop by his room whenever she wanted and he knew she would.

He offered a silent nod as he walked out of his door that morning only to see her. He knew better than to think that would be good enough for her. Mikasa had tried to offer sympathy at the beginning of the summer but she had this way of hovering about her—it made Eren feel like he had a second mom. Like he was weak, and needed to be taken care of. Within the first two weeks of moping Eren had firmly, but politely, asked to be left alone. She'd nagged at first, only to finally dedicate her summer to their friends when it became clear Eren was just going to ignore her and anyone else that tried to console him.

He could sense the frown on her face without even looking. He tried to focus on getting his key in the door but knowing her eyes were just bearing into him made him fumble twice in a row.

“Do you need help?” His sister asked.

Eren couldn't understand why, but his fingers seemed to stutter against the lock with each agonizing second. His desire not to mess up in front of her only made it worse.

“I can help you…”

“I've got it,” he said as he failed a third time. He jerked his shoulder away from her and on his fourth attempt, finally managed to calm down enough to get the key in. He threw his bag in and shut the door, only to find Armin and Jean had joined them.

When they’d applied to the apartment style dorms last year, he thought it would be fun living so close together in bigger, more private spaces. Now he regretted it. They were so close, any of them could pop in at any time and they totally would.

“Hey Eren! How was your Summer?” Armin asked. He was and would always be his best friend, but Eren didn't think he could handle his unusually shrill voice today of all days.

“Fine,” he answered and before anyone could say anything else, he turned his back and walked away.

X

“Is it me?” Jean asked, setting his lunch tray down, “Or has Jaeger been more of a dick than usual?”

Mikasa immediately responded with a defensive glare, only to sigh in defeat a few moments later. Armin bit his lip, as if not wanting to rat Eren out but he was just so thankful it wasn't only him.

“He ignored me for most of the Summer. If I tried asking how he was, he ignored me completely. If I asked about what he'd been up to or sent him a photo from France, sometimes he'd answer but most times he wouldn't. It was so unlike him.”

Mikasa nodded in agreement, “Reiner cheating really messed him up emotionally. He pretty much isolated himself all Summer.”

“He can’t isolate himself forever. Especially not here,” Jean said honestly, “We’ll see if he sits with us.”

As if on queue, they turned to look over their shoulders to try and spot him. It took a few minutes, but finally the spotted him coming out of the cafeteria line, head down and with only chips and and juice in hand despite having an unlimited meal plan in the buffet style cafeteria. He only looked up for somewhere to sit. When he saw them all staring, he sighed and slowly dragged his feet across the room, trying to ignore the whispers of the other students.

_“Oh my God, is that Eren Jaeger?”_

_“Did you hear what happened to him?”_

He took the empty seat beside Armin and gave a weak, “Hey guys,” as he wrestled with the bag in front of him.

“Is that all you’re gonna eat?” Asked Mikasa. She had her motherly frown on already, staring at the meal in front of him. “Are you sure that’ll be enough?”

He knew she was asking out of concern but part of him felt like she was just calling him fat—like someone his size couldn’t possibly be sated by this amount of food.

Truth was, just being at school today was making him feel sick. With everyone staring and gossiping, and his fear that he might run into Reiner or Bertholdt, he really couldn’t stomach anything with his anxiety on high like this. Even if he was hungry and Lord knew he always was these days.

“I don’t feel very well,” he admitted. He’d probably regret sending his sister into full on mom mode but it was better than having her bug him about his food intake.

“Are you sick? Maybe you should go back to your dorm?”

He shook his head, eyes pointed down at his hands, “I’m…It’s weird being here knowing everyone knows what happened. The campus isn’t _that big_. I can feel people staring and hear them talking about me. It’s just really uncomfortable but I-I’m fine! I’ll get over it.”

Both Mikasa and Armin frowned, seeming unconvinced. Jean on the other hand, was shaking his head. “Never thought I’d see the day when the most self confidant guy in school got knocked down a peg.”

 _“Cut it out Jean.”_ He hardly flinched when Mikasa hit his arm.

“What? Look Jaeger, everyone knows you’re not my most favorite guy in the world, but you know you’re just letting them win right? I mean you stayed cooped up in your house all Summer. You’re hiding and avoiding all you and Reiner’s old friends. This is pretty pathetic, even for you. I don’t remember you taking shit from anyone when you were with Reiner. Don’t tell me he’s where all you confidence came from.”

Eren sunk into his seat. It was rare that Jean said anything he considered to be of any actual value but he was making a good point. Where had all of Eren’s confidence gone? He’d let Reiner cheating completely break him. It was pathetic…but he couldn’t exactly do anything about it. He didn’t want to be the center of attention anymore. He didn’t have the energy or the motivation. For the rest of his college career, he just wanted to focus on getting the hell out of here.

Eventually something more scandalous would happen, something bigger than Eren getting cheated on or disappearing or turning back up fat and depressed, but it would be a few weeks. He’d already succumbed to the fact that he’d lost this fight. He wasn’t _letting_ everybody else win. They already had.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “I felt pretty invincible with Reiner.”

“Well Reiner’s a dick and trust me, he wasn’t that great anyway. I don’t care if he’s captain of the football team—this isn’t some after school special where that type of shit matters. You were literally the most popular guy on this campus last year and you didn’t take shit from anyone. Pull yourself together and stop acting like you’re nothing without him. It’s fucking sad.”

The entire table stared at Jean, blinking back silently. Eren has to admit he was a little more than surprised. He didn’t think Jean actually cared about his personal life. They stayed decently cordial only because he was dating his sister, mostly pushing each other’s buttons but never going far enough to actually hurt the other person.

Eren appreciated the advice, he really did but he just didn’t know if he could follow it. How could he come to school pretending to be confident when he’d been in hiding all Summer? He’d let Reiner win already.

“Thanks Jean but I…,” he looked down at the table and shrugged trying to figure out what to say. A hand grazing over his new belly reminded him of just how insecure he’d already let himself become. “I think I’d just rather lay low for a while and try to forget about Reiner and everything else.”

With that, he stood up from their table and tried to ignore the whispers from all of Reiner’s— _or_ _his_ —old friends.

X

It had been three weeks since school started back up and all Eren wanted was to go home. He wanted to back forever but he knew that wasn’t an option. He thought a visit might at least help. It wasn’t that far of a drive from school to his home. If he left after his last class on Friday, he’d be home before dinner. Maybe there he could clear his head, but when he mentioned it to Mikasa, she insisted on coming home too. Luckily she had gymnastics practice and at least agreed to drive herself.

He walked into the house and left his shoes by the door as always. Carla was in the living room reading. His dad was likely still at work.

“Hey mom,” he said.

She look up with a soft smile and a slight wave. “Hi sweetheart. How has school been?”

“Fine.” It was a lie but she didn’t have to know that. No need in worrying her, as if he hadn’t done that all Summer. His mother had tried helping him—tried getting him out of his room or out of the house. A lot of the kids from his town went to SU. Surely he had friends nearby to go out with, but he’d refused. He’d managed to appease her by migrating to watching tv on the couch in the basement and leaving every so often to grab fast food. After a while, everyone in the house had just decided to let him wallow in his own misery. He was an adult after all. He could miserable if he wanted.

“That’s good. I’m making lasagna for dinner but I went shopping earlier if you need something to hold you over.”

Eren found his cheeks hot with embarrassment. He knew he shouldn’t care, that his mom didn’t mean anything by it, but he still felt ashamed. His mother had always babied him, and she couldn’t completely leave him alone during the Summer. After the first few weeks she stopped trying to drag him out of the house or talk to him about Reiner, but she still didn’t pull away completely. So she’d simply chosen another way to keep Eren close—indulging his Summer junk food habit. She made sure he stayed stocked up in processed snacks. All the classic break up foods like ice cream and snack cakes. She baked for him, made his favorite dinners and didn’t complain about him spoiling his appetite. Which wasn’t really a problem anyway, considering he was eating twenty-four seven back then.

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to take her up on her offer. After the day he had, he wanted to eat _everything_ but he settled on taking a bag of mini powdered donuts and some milk to his old room and flopping onto his bed.

In all fairness, he hadn’t _meant_ to get fat, especially not _this_ fat. Once lean and toned, just enough muscle not to be scrawny but not too much to be over the top, Eren had an enviable physique. Reiner always had his hands all over him. His body was one of the things Eren took pride in. He’d managed to hold off the freshman fifteen or any college weight in an attempt to be someone Reiner would be proud to show off.

It had only been a few months ago but Eren couldn’t remember what it felt like to be that thin now. Even lying on his back, his belly bulged out, plush and round. It was soft, flabby really, nothing remotely firm about it anymore. There were even stretch marks decorating the space just below his belly button and chubby sides after gaining so much weight so fast. His thighs touched now, which he still hadn’t really gotten used to. The ache between his legs at the end of everyday made him hate chaffing. His chest was covered in a soft layer of fat, his former pec muscles molding into the beginning of soft breasts. It surely wouldn’t be long before he could cup one in his hands. His arms were no longer toned, excess clinging to his once strong biceps. He doubted he could even manage a push up at this weight. He hadn’t worked out in months. He’d barely cleared the stairs up to his bedroom without getting winded. He was obviously overweight, and lying in bed stuffing his face with a one pound bag of mini donuts made him feel even more pathetic.

Still, he didn’t stop himself. One hand popped donuts in his mouth while the other rubbed his stomach. He didn’t know how he could even stuff this much down knowing he’d already eaten twice today and had dinner coming soon.

He swallowed donut after donut, only pausing to chug down a lot more milk that he probably my needed but he didn’t care. He just wanted to drown himself in sugar until he couldn’t think straight. That’s what this weekend was about anyway. It didn’t take him long to finish the entire bag, filled with disappointment as his chubby fingers hit a bare bottom. He ran a hand over his gut to asses the damage. It was full but he could eat more. He never felt better until he was so stuffed he couldn’t get up, pinned to the couch in excruciating pain. It was the only feeling that distracted him from Reiner.

Eren sat up and felt his belly slosh with all the milk he’d chugged weighing it down. He wrestled with the button on his pants, having to shift his belly over just to reach and undo them. Simple tasks like putting on clothes was so much harder with thick thighs and a gut to worry about. Once undone, he fell back into the bed and left both hands message the bloated mass. Now that was done getting his sweet fix, his mind drifted to thoughts of cheese stuffed lasagna filling his gut until he couldn’t breathe. Something about the idea excited him more than it should’ve. He’d gone from popular to pig and it didn’t look like that was changing any time soon.

X

“Would you like some more sweetheart?” His mother asked as Eren finished his second helping of lasagna.

He’d already eaten two large plates with garlic bread and salad. His belly was resting on his lap, heavy and full but he still wanted more despite that. His body was more than satisfied but he felt the need to eat until he could hardly get up.

As his mother scooped another large serving onto his plate, his father let out a long, groan. The kind that was impossible to ignore. “Carla honey, I know Eren’s been upset but you can’t keep comforting him with food.”

“Grisha.”

“We let him sit on the couch all Summer and when I did his check up before school, he’d gained sixty pounds. That puts him at severely overweight for his height.”

His ears grew hot as his father talked candidly about his weight like he wasn’t even there. Did he father really have to use the word _severely?_

“An extra helping if dinner isn’t going to kill him.”

“It will if he just keeps gaining weight at such an alarming rate.”

“Grisha!”

It wasn’t like he was wrong. At this rate, Eren would need to be rolled across stage at graduation, if he was even capable of leaving his dorm at that point. He was fat and yet, even after returning to school, he still couldn’t stop himself from shoveling down the very thing that had gotten him here in the first place.

“Carla! you can’t just ignore it!”  

“You guys don’t have to talk about me like I’m not right here,” Eren deadpanned. It was already embarrassing enough being talked about at all, and for this no less. Mikasa looked as if she wasn’t paying either of them any mind and Eren wondered how she tuned them out so easily.

His parents exchanged awkward glances. They couldn’t be anymore embarrassed than he was, yet now everyone was uncomfortable. Somehow he’d made things worse and that only made him want to eat more. What was wrong with him?

Carla attempted damage control first. She turned towards Eren but wouldn’t look him in the eye. “We’re sorry sweetheart. That was _insensitive_ of us.”

His father quickly tagged on, “Yes Eren…we just worry about you is all.”

“Well I’m fine. You don’t have to fight over me. It’s nobody’s fault that I ugh...turned out this way—well nobody’s fault but mine so…you can stop bickering about it.”

No one said anything about his weight during dinner after that. Instead Mikasa squeezed at his knee under the table and quickly launched into a conversation about the new girls on this year’s gymnastics team. It was enough to get the spotlight of of him as he forced down a third helping of lasagna in an attempt to calm his nerves after that disaster.

X

All he wanted to do after dinner was lie down and not show his face for the rest of the night. Even if Mikasa had redirected the topic from his weight, he knew his parents weren’t done. His father had shot more than a few disappointed and judgmental glances at him from across the table that Eren pretended not to see. His mother had given him looks of pity. Eren hated both. At least in his room, he couldn’t see their disappointed stares.

Getting to his room was proving to be a challenge though. Simply getting up from the table had taken more effort than he expected. He felt weighed down by the sheer volume of dense carbs sitting in his stomach. He couldn’t even stand up straight. His steps were slow and he could barely lift his feet, but he shuffled his way to the stairs. If he could get to his room, he could lie down, unbutton his pants and not feel self conscious for the remainder of the night at least.

He paused at the base of the stairs, taking in his next obstacle with a deep breath. _Fuck this was going to suck_. The stairs gave him trouble when he wasn’t stuffed full. Now they looked impossible.

“You okay?” Mikasa asked behind him.

He felt a cold shiver run up his spine. What was she thinking seeing him stand here, leaning against the banister for dear life?

“Yeah, I’m fine…You can go ahead.”

“Are you sure? Do you need help?”

“ _What?_ No! I’m fine. Really just go up . I’m right behind you.”

He knew Mikasa meant well but help, really? Did he look that pathetic right now? It wasn’t _that_ bad. He could make it upstairs...eventually. It was just going to take a second.

“If you say so.”

His sister flew up the stairs two at a time with ease, as if it had done no damage to her current stamina. Eren wasn’t nearly as graceful or in shape, but he eventually made it. There was nothing but relief when he flopped himself into the bed. It sunk a little deeper than it used to but he pushed that thought to the back of his mind. Instead he fiddled with his pants button until they finally popped open. He felt so much better now without jeans digging into his stomach. He knew he shouldn’t be have eaten half as much as he did. He knew his clothes shouldn’t fit like this and that stairs shouldn’t be so hard but it was too late now. What was one more meal? It wasn’t like skipping one meal was going to instantly drop him back to being in shape.

Things were peaceful for a few minutes. His hand grazed at his belly in an attempt to help calm the ache from overeating. He thought he might even fall asleep until he heard his parents voices yelling in their room.

_“You are not putting our son on a diet!”_

_“It’s for his own good! I just want to nip this in the bud before it can get any worse!”_

_“He went through a break up Grisha! A rough one!”_

_“That was months ago! How long are we going to let him wallow! I thought being back at school, with his friends, might change things but it’s only getting worse! It’s only been three weeks and I can tell he’s put on weight.”_

_“So he needs more time!”_

_“He needs to do something now or that break up will be the least of his worries.”_

_“Do you have to be so harsh about it? I’m sure he feels bad enough as it is. The last thing he wants is to come home to his father playing doctor and ridiculing him!”_

_“He’s twenty years old. I’m sure he can handle it.”_

_“It’s not about that! Would you just put yourself in his position for a few minutes? I’m sure he’s aware of his weight and he’ll come to you when he’s ready, but don’t try and force it! You’re only going to make him feel worse!”_

If they didn’t want him to feel bad, they probably should’ve argued somewhere where he couldn’t hear them. He hated the way they fought over him at all honestly. This wasn’t even the first time. It surely wouldn’t be the last. Grisha thought his wife babied Eren. Carla thought her husband was much too hard on him. Eren thought it was dumb. Yeah, he’d gained a lot of weight, but they didn’t need to worry about it this much. Like his father had said, he was twenty years old. He could figure it out.

On his way out the door Sunday, his mom pulled him in for a hug and told him that if he needed anything or anyone to talk to, he could always come home or call. His father pulled him in, told him to take better care of himself and watch what he ate because college food was usually bad for you and he couldn’t afford to gain anymore weight.

Being home hadn’t done as much to ease his mind as he’d hoped it would. He couldn’t wait to get back to his dorm, where he could be overweight and upset in peace.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren thinks he can avoid Reiner by avoiding football, but it's not that easy. Running from Reiner sends him right towards a hot, new stranger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two! 
> 
> Thanks for everyone who left kudos and commented!
> 
> We meet Levi in this chapter! And he becomes an even bigger part of the next two!

There was a time when football season excited him. When he was with Reiner, it was the best time of the year. He went to every game, every party. He was constantly celebrating, cheering, yelling, drinking. There was never a shortage of plans or fun to be had.

He felt a sense of pride dating the Quarterback. Reiner had crazy talent and was often in the paper, on the news, on sports websites. He was everywhere and Eren had loved it.

But not anymore. Now seeing Reiner’s pictures plastered everywhere just made him sick. The idea of him being praised for football when he was a shit person had Eren feeling even more depressed than before. No matter what Reiner had done to him, as long as he played football well, it didn’t even matter. Now he was with Bertholdt, his teammate, and they surely had a different type of connection he and Eren never did. Just that thought alone drove him crazy.

So when Armin asked if he wanted to go to the game, of course he said no. It was fast and harsh, no hesitation. Armin stepped back in surprise.

“Oh, yeah…I’m sorry I shouldn’t have asked.”

No, he shouldn’t have but it wasn’t Armins fault. They always used to go to the games together. Eren was the one being difficult, but for good reason. He’d been avoiding Reiner all year and he was going to continue to do so.

“It’s not your fault. I just—I’m not ready to see him yet.”

“You wanna do something else, take your mind off of it?”

“Nah, you should go. Jean and Mikasa are, with Marco and Connie and I think Sasha. Have fun with them.” 

Eren didn’t want to admit he already had plans to take his mind off of it. He didn’t want to admit that come Friday night he’d be ordering enough take out for three or four people and eating it alone in his dorm room. So he didn’t.

X

Today’s binge was Mexican. There was a place near campus that delivered so Eren didn’t even have to leave his dorm.

He placed his order: four fried tacos with all the fixings, three cheese and onion enchiladas smothered in a red sauce, a chicken quesadilla, two sides of rice, chips with salsa, guacamole and queso, and twelve soapapillas with a dulce de leche dipping sauce for dessert. It was more than twice what he used to order by himself but he didn’t care. He set the food down on his coffee table, plopped onto the couch with a soda in hand, and turned on the TV to some random movie about zombies, hardly paying attention.

Eren leaned back into the couch for the sole purpose of being able to place is first container on his stomach. It was kind of embarrassing to think, but he’d gotten soft and pudgy enough to hold up a styrofoam box while he shoved tacos in his mouth. At least this way he wouldn’t have to worry about dropping toppings onto his shirt. He could focus on the food.

This place had always been the drunk spot for him and his friends. After a night of partying, they’d stop by and grab some food before stumbling back to their rooms. passing out for hours. It was the perfect greasy meal to help them try and combat the inevitable hangovers. Now it was the perfect meal to cram into his stomach to help him forget about Reiner.

It was hard not focus on the way the flavors melded together, the blend of spices and the homemade sauces. It wasn’t anything he’d appreciated back when he was drunk, but now it was different. Now he had more than enough time to actually take in the details. He knew he shouldn’t have been enjoying himself nearly as much as he was, not when his father was probably going to scold him for coming back even larger the next time he stepped through their doorway, but what was the point of eating if not to enjoy it?

He couldn’t help himself anyway. Eating was the only thing that helped quell the pain of rejection and betrayal. Eren was well aware that he shouldn’t eat this much this often. He was even more aware of the fact that he shouldn’t like it. He wasn’t the biggest fan of what it did to his appearance but the way it made him feel—safe, relaxed, loved. Food didn’t judge him. It couldn’t say anything to him. It couldn’t cheat on him. Instead it brought him comfort, and the more he ate, the better he felt…

Until he was standing in front of the mirror poking at his gut, wondering why his self control had also disappeared along with Reiner.  

He didn’t want to think about the after right now. Instead, Eren finished up the last of his tacos and quickly shoved the box aside, replacing it with three, steaming hot Enchiladas. On a regular day, just two of them alone would’ve been more than plenty for him, but now he was throwing in three on top of everything else. He could already feel the space in his stomach decreasing and that only made him more excited to keep going. The best part of a binge was forcing food into his stomach when he felt so full he didn’t think he could manage another bite. It was a satisfying sense of accomplishment, even if it left him pinned to the couch under his own gluttony most nights.

With each enchilada, his stomach grew tighter. He placed a hand at the base of his belly and tried to smooth the the aches already trickling in. His body was trying to tell him to stop but he hadn’t listened to that part of his body in months. He wasn’t stopping until he was so full he felt sick and his stomach was bloated to twice its usual size. It wouldn’t be hard with these portion sizes.

He followed up with chips, queso and two servings of rice so big they filled a whole styrofoam to go box. It was all so heavy combined with the rich food he’d already eaten. He should’ve stopped at the tacos, or the enchiladas for sure. As he finished up this next round, every bite was a battle. His breathing was labored, trying to keep up as if he’d just run a mile, not gorged himself on take out. Even after he finished this, he still had a whole quesadilla left.

Eren could barely sit up to grab the container from the coffee table—a sign he was so far past his limit. After this, he still had dessert waiting. The thought excited him so much more than it should’ve. He placed a hand over his belly in an attempt to sooth himself a little but all he felt was stretched skin barely containing a rock hard stomach. There was no relief to be had and he could care less. Lifting the first of eight slices to his mouth was borderline euphoric. His chewing had slowed considerably and he had to really concentrate on each bite and swallow.

With one hand he massaged his gut, over and under. He squeezed at his sides and even took note of how much wider and deeper his belly button was starting to look. Hell in the right shirt people could probably see the indent. His dad was right, he had managed to gain weight in just the last three weeks.

It took a little longer, but he’d soon scarfed down the last of the food, leaving only dessert in front of him. As packed as his stomach was, his mouth still watered at the scents of warm cinnamon sugar sprinkled over deep fried dough. The sauce it came with was amazing, sweet but not cavity inducing. It was the perfect ending to the rich Mexican feast he’d finished off.

Each soapapilla left a thick coating of butter and sugar on his fingertips that he eagerly sucked off between pastries. He couldn’t remember when he’d adopted some of his less becoming habits, but he was alone so what did he care? He’d long since given up on trying to pull his shirt down to cover himself or feeling embarrassed after a loud belch. When he was in his dorm, he could do as he pleased.

Eren took his time with dessert, not trying to rush it and make himself sick enough to throw up. He enjoyed each slow deliberate bite and let his hands explore bottom of his gut. Beneath his fingertips he could feel the grooves of newly developing stretchmarks. He hated them. They were dead giveaway to how much he’d just let himself go in such a short period of time. He tried not to let it get to him, not that…or that fact that he’d practically eaten himself out of another shirt. He barely ever wore jeans anymore, except to go out (which he tried to avoid at this size) or go home so his parents wouldn’t think he was a total slob. He could only imagine what his dad would say if he spent an entire weekend at home in sweatpants. At school he went entire weeks in them, even before he’d gotten fat.

The last soapapilla went down hard but he’d managed to choke it down. Eren looked at his handiwork littering the coffee table. Empty containers and soda cans covered almost the entire surface. It looked like enough to feed him, Mikasa, Jean and Armin. Yet it was all inside of his body right now, threatening to burst with one wrong movement.

He stifled a burp into his fist and pushed the waist of his sweatpants further down his hips. It added a little relief but honestly, Eren knew the only thing that would help him now was lying back and rubbing his belly until he eventually fell asleep.

He groaned as he shifted his position to try to relieve some of the pressure. He found if he spread his legs, it gave his gut more room to spread. It didn’t quite hang down between his thighs yet, but at the rate he was going, Eren knew it wouldn’t be too long. He’d gained sixty pounds in three months. He knew he’d already gained weight in the month he’d been back on campus. By the time Christmas break rolled around Eren could only imagine how large he’d be.

Even if he wanted to stop, he couldn’t anymore. He could hardly sit down to a meal without eating until he was sick. He was constantly snacking when he wasn’t eating and with the privacy of his dorm, one with a small kitchen even, Eren could already tell his waistline was a goner. As long as he had to share a campus with Reiner, he would probably keep eating and gaining until they graduated. Who knew how big he’d be by then?

He fell asleep with that thought in mind, knowing the answer wasn’t one he would like.

X

The sound of loud knocking on his door startled him awake that morning. Apparently he’d fallen asleep on the couch, too lazy to lug his ass to his bedroom. He hadn’t even turned off his tv or thrown his trash away.

The banging continued as he pushed himself up. His stomach didn’t hurt anymore but he wasn’t hungry for breakfast either. 

“I’m coming!” He yelled but the sound didn’t stop until he opened his front door. “ _ Mikasa?  _ Can I help you?”

“You weren’t answering your phone,” she said matter of fact. “I was just seeing if you wanted to get breakfast Armin and I, then I got worried.”

_ Worried about what?  _ He thought. He’d stayed home all night so nothing would happen to him.

“Well I’m fine so no need to worry. I was just asleep.”

That seemed to satisfy her enough. “Well do you wanna come?”

He wasn’t hungry. He should’ve said no and stayed home, but his self control was seriously lacking these days and pancakes, drowning in syrup and butter, sounded so good. Breakfast couldn’t hurt right?

“I guess, but I need to change first.”

“That’s fine. I’ll just wait inside.”

He let her in before he remembered the state of his living room, more important the boxes from the big ass meal he’d eaten the night before. He prayed she wouldn’t comment when she saw it and he knows she saw it. Her eyes lingered, taking it all in, while his cheeks grew hot. Mikasa had seen him eat. She’d seen plenty of his snack trash graveyards at home but he was still embarrassed. Nobody had thought this was going to escalate into the problem it had.

“Give me five minutes,” he quickly said before disappearing into his bedroom to spare himself any further humiliation.

Getting dressed had been a chore for quite some time. His usual clothes had started to get snug around fifteen pounds. By twenty five he refused to keep squeezing into them. By forty five he’d outgrown his second set of clothes and just before he came back to school, when he hit sixty pounds gained, he gave up on trying to look nice. He stocked up on sweatpants and hoodies. Who was he trying to impress honestly? The only reason he owned any jeans at all was because his mother insisted on buying him a pair, and he only kept them around to visit home.

He searched his messy closet for a pair of grey sweats and the loosest long sleeve black shirt he had. He doubted they were going anywhere nice to eat and honestly everyone there would probably be hungover anyway. Hopefully nobody would even notice him.

“Alright, I’m ready,” he offered as he walked back into the living room. Mikasa wasn’t on the couch where he’d left her. He found her in his kitchen, tossing out his evidence from last night’s binge. “You didn’t have to do that.”

She shrugged, “I don’t mind.”

“Well thanks.” He wish he’d made her wait outside but that would’ve been rude. She was only trying to help. It wasn’t her fault he’d eaten so much he couldn’t clean up his own mess.

“No problem. So…did you eat all that by yourself? Is that why you didn’t show up last night?”

Eren sighed, “Come on, don’t make me answer that.”

“I’m not judging,” she put her hands up defensively, “We just missed you last night is all. Everyone asked about you.”

He remembered when they all used to get together before Reiner’s games, tailgating and pregaming. They’d all get dressed up and Eren would wear one of Reiner’s jersey’s. They’d sit in the student section and loudly cheer, Eren being the loudest and most excitable. Reiner would often run towards him after a particularly hard win, show him off by kissing him in the stands. It was always crazy cheesy but Eren loved it. He loved that Reiner didn’t care, that he wasn’t afraid to do what he wanted. He didn’t care what anyone else thought.

He couldn’t stomach the thought of him showing Bertholdt affection where he could see, where  _ everyone _ could see. He didn’t want to be embarrassed or even worse, pitied.

“I wasn’t ready.”

“That’s fine, but you know you can call me at any time right?”

Of course he knew that. Mikasa was his sister, she’d always been there for him. As much as he hated to admit it, she’d been protecting him pretty much his whole life. He didn’t want to come crawling to her with all his problems. It was part of the reason he’d distanced himself from her all Summer.

“Yeah, I know. Are you ready?”

“Yeah, lets go.”

X

They met up with Armin at a local diner just off campus. It was one they frequented often, a twenty four hour place that served breakfast all night and day. He loved coming here after a late night study session. Armin had a habit of stress eating after a particularly long night of studying and this was always his favorite place. Eren found it funny that he was the fat friend when none of his other friends seemed to have gained a pound.

“Hey,” he offered, sliding into the booth beside him. Armin smoked back, clearly excited to see him after he’d bailed last night…and most nights since school had started back up.

“We missed you last night.”

“Yeah, Mikasa said the same thing. Maybe the next game I’ll go?”

“Well don’t force it,” he smiled, squeezing his shoulder with genuine reassurance. For a brief moment, it made him feel bad for being distant the last few months but Armin didn’t seem to dwell. He just pulled out a menu and dove into it as if he hadn’t been here a hundred times before. “Well I’m thinking French toast and bacon, maybe eggs and a cinnamon roll?”

It sounded like one of Eren’s orders these days. As much as he wanted to follow suit and order everything that sounded good to him, he didn’t want to make his sister and best friend uncomfortable by gorging himself at breakfast. He’d had a hard enough time walking over there without being full.

“I’m thinking pancakes. Maybe blueberry or something?”

Mikasa didn’t even bother to look at the menu. They all knew her order: egg whites, turkey sausage and wheat toast. She had way better self control than either of them.

They placed their orders. Armin’s made his look like a light snack and he didn’t know why that made him feel good about himself. He was still the one hiding an extra sixty plus pounds under his shirt. He could feel his stomach grazing the edge of table in the tiny booth whenever he shifted his weight. He thanked God when Armin started talking about the new geopolitics class he was taking. It sounded incredibly boring but it was enough to distract him from his own body until the food came.

Armin’s plates took up so much of the booth that nobody looked twice at him or the amount he planned to take in. He supposed nobody ever judged how much he ate before he gained all this weight. Now it felt like that was all that happened—at home, at the cafeteria, at any restaurant or fast food place. Someone was constantly side eyeing him, probably thinking what he needed was a salad—like the waitress setting the pancakes down in front of him. He knew the girl from campus, Hitch maybe? She wasn’t particularly friendly before but now he could see her looking him up and down, trying to be discreet but unable to hide it behind her revulsion. Mikasa and Armin didn’t seem to notice so he just tried to ignore it.

He managed to let it go and even enjoy the first few bites of his pancakes, but what he couldn’t ignore was Reiner and his friends walking into the diner. What were the odds that they came in today? Right now?

Armin must’ve felt him stiffen up beside him, because he immediately placed a hand on his thigh. “Are you okay?” He whispered.

Eren tried to calm himself, taking slow, controlled breaths. He hadn’t seen Reiner since they’d broken up, save for posters and football promotions on campus. He hadn’t seen him or spoken to him. He definitely hadn’t seen him with Bertolt, not in person at least. The one time he’d made the mistake of looking them up on social media, he’d ending up crying in a Krispy Kreme parking lot at nine pm with a box of donuts in his passenger seat.

This was overwhelming. There was Reiner and his new boyfriend holding hands. All his old friends like Annie, Christa and Ymir. He hadn’t talked to them this Summer either. But now, seeing them all without him made it that much more real. If he was lucky, no one would see him and he could just sneak out. He wasn’t lucky though. It was like Christa saw him almost immediately.

She came bouncing toward him, excited and cheerful like a female Armin. “Eren!”

He cringed.

“Where have you been? We didn’t see you all Summer?”

All he could manage was a sideways look from under his bangs. Was she fucking kidding?

She could at least take a hint and she suddenly lowered her voice, “I know you probably didn’t want to see Reiner but I was still worried about you.”

“Yeah, sorry. I didn’t really reach out to anyone after,” he said awkwardly. He just wanted her to go away before they all wandered over.

“Don’t apologize. I’m sorry for not saying anything.”

“You knew?”

“Well we all had an idea. We knew they were close. Maybe not that close.”

That hit Eren like a baseball to the gut. Had everyone realized Reiner had eyes for someone else? Had he been too stupid to notice?

“I really am sorry,” she said, “I never thought he was cheating. I tried to call and tell you that much but you never answered. If you need anything that I can help you with, you can always ask. We weren’t friends just because of Reiner you know?”

He didn’t really know but in this moment he didn’t care. He didn’t want to be there anymore. He needed to think and maybe breathe in some fresh air to clear his head before he suffocated in this diner.

“Thanks Christa.” He gave a half assed smirk that seemed to satisfy her enough to leave his table, but all she did was attract the stares of everyone else to him. Could they see him clearly? Did Reiner already know he was fat? Would he say something. The thoughts were too suffocating and suddenly Eren found himself standing and not caring who stared.

“I’m going outside for a second to get some fresh air.” He stood up and made a b-line for the door before either Mikasa or Armin could stop him.

He walked out into the parking lot, and the sheer number of people walking in made him more anxious. He didn’t want to stand right in front of the doors where he could still be seen so he made his way to the side of the building and plopped down on the curb, hopefully out of site from the people inside or coming in.

He dropped his head into his knees and inhaled deep.

“You alright?”

“H-huh?” Eren looked up to another person, a guy…a really beautiful guy. He was on the shorter side but still gorgeous, with straight back hair that actually laid down unlike his own. He head a stern face and piercing eyes. He stood puffing a cigarette and staring at Eren, but he didn’t look as though he actually cared about his answer.

“You ran out here and dropped down. Thought maybe you were hurt.”

“Oh, no. I’m not hurt,” Eren assured, “I just needed to get out of the diner for a second.”

“Do you smoke?”

“No. I just thought this side would be empty.”

“Are you hiding from someone?” The guy asked, too observant for his own good.

“No! Well yes actually…my ex boyfriend just came in and I can’t…”

Levi looked over his shoulder, through the window, “Who is he?”

“The big blonde guy, Reiner Braun.”

“The SU quarterback?”

“You know him?”

“I’m working on my masters there so yeah, I’ve heard of him. He’s your ex?” Levi asked, looking him up and down. He was probably wondering how someone like Eren had ever been with someone like Reiner.

“Yeah, hard to believe I know, but we dated before all  _ this _ ,” he vaguely waved his hand over his body.

“Before all what?”

Eren sighed, of course this guy would make him say it, “Before I got fat.”

“That wasn’t why I was staring.”

“it’s okay. I’m getting used to it,” he said with an eye roll. As if there was any other reason to look at him these days.

“Really. I was just thinking you could do a lot better than him is all.”  

Eren didn’t know what to say to that. How was he ever going to do better than Reiner like this? He was borderline crying in a pancake diner parking lot. That was pathetic enough minus the letting himself go part. Still, the stranger beside him didn’t look like he was going to laugh and take it back. Even if he was just trying to make Eren feel better, it was kind of nice of him.

“Thanks. I’m Eren by the way.”

“Levi.”

“Well it was nice to meet you Levi. Maybe I’ll see you on campus or something?” He stood up and began dusting his clothes off.

Levi responded with a nod, ashing his cigarette, non chalant and yet still incredibly mesmerizing. “I’m sure.”

Eren left him standing there as he finally mustered up the courage to back inside. He thought he could handle things now, even after the bomb Christa had dropped. If he could just avoid even looking in Reiner’s direction, he might be okay to finish his pancakes.

But he didn’t have to avoid looking in Reiners direction. He was making his way towards Eren, trying to catch him before he could even sit down. Eren stopped in panic. Why the hell was Reiner coming towards him?

“Can we talk?”

He wanted to say no, to be stronger than that, but he could already feel his knees buckling. His body seemed to relax like it did when they were still dating, as if it had been waiting for him to come back after all these months.

Both Mikasa and Armin looked at him with disapproval but still he found himself saying yes. Why, he wasn’t sure. It wasn’t as if Reiner was going to take him back, not when he was so clearly in love with Bertolt.

They took a seat at an empty booth in the back. Eren awkwardly twiddled his fingers on top of the table while Reiner rubbed at his neck.

“You look like you’ve been well,” he offered and Eren knew he shouldn’t have agreed to this talk. If that’s what Reiner was starting out with, who knew what other lies were going to come out of his mouth?

“Fucking hell Reiner, what do you want?”

Reiner suddenly looked upset, as if he was the one who had been cheated on, “To apologize I guess. Christa told me what she told you and I promise it wasn’t like that.”

“Like what? You’re apologizing for cheating on me before I caught you cheating on me?” Wasn’t that backwards?

“No, I’m just apologizing in general I guess, for everything.”

“It’s a little late for that Reiner. You know you could’ve just broken up with me if it wasn’t working. You didn’t have to…” Eren could barely stomach saying it again.

“I know but I was afraid, afraid of how you’d take it. I heard you hardly left your house all summer.”

“Maybe because I caught my boyfriend fucking cheating on me! So cheating was better than being honest you God damn coward?”

“Calm down Eren. I’m just saying, I didn’t want you to freak out.”

“Well I did anyway. So good job.” 

“Look I’m sorry okay? I really did love you but I don’t know—Bertolt and I were just—”

“I get it. He was better.”

Reiner didn’t deny it. He didn’t look like he even felt bad. Eren couldn’t sit here and take this anymore. It was like torture, listening to your ex try to justify cheating on you.

“Eren no—”

“I don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish Reiner! Are you trying to rub your new relationship in my face or make yourself feel better or—”

“I’m sorry. I just…we were all worried about you and—”

“Worried about me? You broke up with me and now four months later you’re worried about me?”

“Well no ones heard from you or seen you in months and now you…,” he paused, vaguely waving his hand in Eren’s general direction, “it just looks like you’re still taking things pretty hard.”

It didn’t take a genius to realize what he was trying to say. He wouldn’t be the first and definitely not the last. Yeah, he’d gained a lot break up weight but he didn’t need Reiner of all people to voice his opinion on it. 

“Fuck you,” Eren spat back as he tried to push himself from the narrow booth. Of all the times for his weight to make him feel constricted. “I don’t need you worrying about me or how I handle my break ups.” 

He didn’t either bother to finish his pancakes, just threw down a twenty as Mikasa and Armin called his name in the distance. He’d talk to them later. Right now he was just wanted to lock himself away his dorm, curl up on his couch and stuff himself in peace without any other people around.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren runs into Levi again. It doesn't go how he's expecting, but that doesn't mean it goes bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done!!
> 
> Thanks to everyone who left kudos and comments!! Makes me feel good! Glad you're enjoying it so far!

Eren spent the rest of the day hauled up in his room, lying to Mikasa and Armin about being okay in between trips to his kitchen and grabbing delivery orders paid for by his fathers credit card. He’d hear about that later but he didn’t care now.

They all knew he wasn’t okay by the way he’d all but stormed out. It didn’t mean he wanted to see them. He didn’t need Mikasa’s pitying stares or Armin non intentionally rubbing his superior metabolism in his face. He just wanted to binge eat alone. He didn’t care that this was the exact behavior that had gotten him into this mess. It didn’t matter that after he was done, he’d feel even worse about himself than he already did.  

He’d eaten so much more than any person should’ve, more than he cared to admit. For the time being, it made him feel a little better. If he could just focus on the ache in his stomach and whatever trash was playing on TV maybe he could forget about Reiner and everyone else if only for a little bit?

Eren just couldn’t believe how incredibly shitty his day had been. Between Mikasa just popping up and seeing evidence of yesterday’s binge to Krista revealing Eren was the only idiot who didn’t realize his boyfriend was in love with someone else to seeing Reiner…he just couldn’t believe his shit luck.

There had been  _ one _ upside—meeting that cute guy outside the diner. It didn’t mean anything though. He’d been upset and Levi tried to make him feel better. He didn’t like him. A guy who looked like that definitely wouldn’t look twice at Eren, not at this size. It was still nice to fantasize though—about his chiseled jaw or high cheekbones, his gorgeous steel blue eyes. Fuck had it been that long since he’d been with someone, he’d obsess over the first hot guy he saw?

Six months ago Eren might have felt confidant enough to stand a chance with Levi. Now, he barely had the confidence to walk around campus in anything other than sweats. So he’d keep his fantasies as just that—fantasies. He wasn’t good enough Reiner back when he was thin. He wasn’t good enough for anyone when he was fat.

X

After a few hours and a nap, he finally felt like his head was clear enough to think straight. He checked in with Mikasa and Armin to let them know he was fine. They seemed to understand why he left, though he didn’t mention the part where he ate his kitchen damn near clean.  

By the time he showered the shame off his body and squeezed himself into the largest clothes he could find, he felt that familiar twinge in his stomach. As if he hadn’t spent all morning and early afternoon stuffing his face. As if he’d done anything strenuous. Yet, he couldn’t deny the growling sound. It was a little past nine. It was past dinner time but that didn’t mean there wasn’t anything around to eat. There were all sorts of places on campus he could pick something up from. He just had to decide what he wanted.

He didn’t  _ need _ anything, but a burger sounded like perfection. He wanted something big, greasy, swimming in cheese and fries dripping in salt and oil. Maybe he’d tack on an order of onion rings while he was at it? Might as well. Maybe a shake too, like vanilla or chocolate? The diner had good pie. He could throw in a slice of that too and just make a whole meal out of it.

It was late and he hoped he wouldn’t run into anyone, specifically his friends. He didn’t need his sister catching him in two binges in one weekend. He just wanted to order his food and sneak back to his room unnoticed. Luckily the diner wasn’t packed. He walked up to the counter and put in a large to go order—double cheeseburger with everything, cheese fries, onion rings, a large vanilla milkshake and a slice of cheesecake for after. His mouth was already salivating as he waited.

“Meeting twice in one day. Must be my lucky day.”

Immediately recognizing the dry tone of voice, Eren turned his head.

“L-Levi? What are you doing here?”

“Getting food, same as you.”

He suddenly felt like an idiot, his cheeks burning as Levi just cocked a brow. “O-oh. That makes sense.”

What were the odds? Of course after his utter humiliation that morning and stuffing himself silly after, he’d run into the hottest guy on campus yet again. Why did adult life continue to give him the short end of the stick?

“Are you staying or going?” Levi asked.

“G—going?”

“Are you asking my permission?”

“N-no! I just…I’m surprised to see you here is all. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“I don’t know,” Eren cringed. What was wrong with him? He was acting so weird, as if he’d he’d never talked to a hot guy before. His hands kept defaulting to ways to cover his stomach. He couldn’t help but wonder how chubby his face looked from this angle. Could Levi see the start of his double chin?

“You look like you could use someone to talk to,” Levi said.

“Are you offering?”

“No,” he said and Eren sunk into himself. “I can listen but I’m not good at the whole advice thing.”

For a moment Eren thought maybe that would be nice but that would require eating in front of Levi. Levi would see the amount of food he was about to shove in his face and surely be disgusted. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy to spread rumors about Eren, but he’d probably never talk to him again.

“I ugh…I wouldn’t want to ruin your dinner,” he tried, looking to offer Levi an escape.

“I don’t think you could.”  

“Well, okay…I guess that would be nice then.” It wasn’t that he didn’t want to eat with him. God he wanted to so bad, but he knew this meant something completely different to him than it meant to Levi. Eren could feel his heart beating hard against the walls of chest, and this time it was from something other than being out of shape. He quickly changed his to-go order to dine in and then turned back to Levi. “Where do you want to sit?”

Levi pointed to a booth on the opposite end of the diner, “Over there, away from people.”

There weren’t that many people to begin with but Eren didn’t argue. He just followed quietly and thanked God that the booths here were wider than at the pancake place. The fact that that was a thing he even had to think about was awkward enough without having to squeeze himself into the tiny gap.   

He could feel Levi’s eyes locked onto him as they sat across from one another. Eren looked anywhere to avoid eye contact but he knew he couldn’t hold out forever. It wasn’t like he didn’t know how to hold a conversation. It had just been so long since he’d been attracted to someone other than Reiner he didn’t know how to carry himself.

“So,” started Levi, “Are you going to say something or just avoid my eyes all night?”

Fuck. How did he know? “I…I don’t really know where to start?”

“Well, are you still upset from earlier or did you get your previous issues resolved? I saw your ex try to talk to you.”

“Did you miss the part where I ran out?” Pouted Eren. He still couldn’t believe it had come to that.

“I must have.”

“He didn’t even apologize. He just tried to justify cheating on me, because he didn’t want me to freak out.”

“Sounds like a dick.”

“I’m starting to realize that now.”

“What did you see in that guy exactly?”

Eren paused, more than a little caught off guard. No one had ever asked him that before. It was Reiner Braun, people  _ worshipped  _ him. He was talented, attractive. What wasn’t there to like? He was perfect on the surface but all of those things were superficial.

“He’s actually a lot sweeter than he probably seems,” Eren finally admitted. He felt the embarrassment spread to his cheeks at the cheesy memories. “He was funny and a pretty good listener too actually. He asked me out freshman year and for a while there he was all about me. He was really devoted and caring and he just seemed so proud of me you know? Like proud to be my boyfriend and I felt special…but I guess I wasn’t. At least not more than his best friend.”

“So he wasn’t always a rude, self centered jock?”

“No,” Eren said but then he quickly dropped his eyes to where he was twiddling his thumbs on the table, “I mean he was never a jerk to  _ me.” _

“But he upset you today?”  

“Well,  _ yeah _ …but it was different today.”

“How so?”

“Because I could finally tell he wasn’t in love with me anymore,” Eren offered awkwardly. “I know he was only trying to half ass apologize because our friends probably made him. He didn’t really care. I think it was like that for a few months at the end. I can see that now.”

Levi nodded and for a moment, he just silently stared Eren over. It made him feel uncomfortable, like he was under a microscope and Levi was looking at all of his flaws. It was relieving when the waitress came by, placing the food on the table, though he’d forgotten just how much he’d ordered. It looked like more than he thought when compared to Levi’s simple sandwich and side of chips. As if he wasn’t embarrassed enough already!

“And are you still in love with him?”

Eren shrugged, popping a fry into his mouth so he could buy himself a moment to think. “I don’t know. I’ve been so bitter and angry, I haven’t really had time to process anything else I guess.”  

“Have you gone on a date since then?” He asked and this time Eren snorted with laughter. He was starting to wonder if Levi was a comedian or just fucking blind? Because he kept acting like he couldn’t see what Eren looked like these days.

“Of course not.”

“Why not? It could help.” And when Eren snickered, he asked, “What’s so funny?”

“You are,” said Eren, pointing towards Levi with a French fry, “I appreciate what you’re trying to do but it’s okay. You don’t have to.”

Levi quirked a brow and Eren took note of the genuinely confused look on his face. “What exactly do you think I’m trying to do?”

“Say reassuring shit to me so I don’t feel as bad. You did it at the diner too—the whole I could do better than Reiner thing. It was sweet and polite but not necessary. I know how I must sound and what I look like.”

“That’s not what I’m doing at all. I’m being honest. I’m a lot of things but I’m not a liar Jaeger.”

Eren didn’t think he was a liar, just saying what he thought Eren wanted to hear. He didn’t need to be coddled by some guy who surely thought he was pathetic deep down. Honestly, Eren was comfort eating a huge ass meal right in front of him. Had they not run into each other tonight, they probably would’ve never talked again.

“Didn’t call you one,” he said, pretending to be interested in the grease coating his fingers, “I just think you’re being nice to some sad loser you met on campus, that’s all.”

“You’re not a charity case.”

Eren couldn’t help but smirk at that. “ _ Of course not. _ There must be some other reason you’re so inclined to listen to my problems.”

“As a matter of fact, yes there is.”

“Oh? And what’s that?”

“Well to start, I do think you needed to vent some. But I had a more selfish reason for inviting you to talk again. A simple one really…I want to ask you on a date.”

“Excuse me?” There was no way he heard that right.

“A date—where two people who like each other go out, usually in public.”

“I-I know what a date is I just… _ why? _ ”

“Well, i’m attracted to you and I’d like to get to know you obviously. I wanted to ask earlier but it seemed inappropriate. Since I ran into you again, I thought I should make the most of this opportunity—before you put yourself down again and talk yourself out of it.”

Eren could hardly process what he was hearing. Levi wanted to ask  _ him _ out? After the display he’d put on this morning no less? How? Why? Maybe it was a joke or something but he didn’t look like the type to play games.

“I’m flattered,” Eren tried to force a smile, but ended up looking down at his food with a long sigh, “but you don’t want to date me. Trust me.”

Levi hardly looked phased. “And why not?”

“You don’t even know me.”

“That’s kind of the point of dating.”

Eren rolled his eyes trying to hide the smirk that edged onto his lips. He was trying to be serious. “I  _ know  _ that but I don’t think it would be worth your time. I know I wouldn’t.”

“How?”

“Well for starters,” he sighed, “I’m damaged. Like the serious kind—the kind where I complain to hot strangers in a breakfast diner while holding back tears. I’m bitter, like  _ really _ bitter. I’m fat. I’ve gained more than sixty pounds since my break up. That’s why I came here, to eat my feelings some more. There’s all sorts of things wrong that I don’t think you should have to deal with. I mean look at me—it’s been months and I still don’t have my shit together…” he paused his rant, afraid of how Levi would react to the next part. “I don’t even know if I’m over him yet. Just trust me, you could do so much better.”

Levi stares him up and down as if mulling over everything he’d said. Eren stuffed an onion ring in his mouth just to distract himself from how awkward he was feeling after the most embarrassing confession of all time.

“Eren,” he finally said, “If I asked you on a date, would you actually  _ want _ to go?”

“Well  _ yeah… _ of course I would. Look at you. Who wouldn’t?”

“Then stop making excuses for me. I’m a grown man. I can easily decide who I do and don’t want to pursue and for what reasons. I would like to take you out but if your answer is anything other than yes, I am fine with backing down romantically, no hard feelings.”

Eren blinked back, unswallowed food sitting in his mouth, too dumbfounded to know what to say. Despite everything he’d listed, Levi still wanted to take a chance on him anyway. That seemed pretty stupid in his opinion but if Levi wanted to learn the hard way, Eren didn’t see the harm in a date. Maybe actually going out with another person might boost his self esteem a few notches? It was a nice thought.

He swallowed hard and gave a casual shrug in return, “Okay. If you’re sure, then yeah, I’d like to go on a date with you.”

“I’m free on Friday,” Levi offered, jotting his number down on a napkin.

“Friday works for me.” It would be the perfect excuse not to show up to Reiner’s football game if nothing else.

“Contact me and we’ll make plans.”

“Okay,” he said, staring down at Levi’s less than perfect handwriting. If this was his only bad quality, Eren was in for some trouble.

“Alright, I’m going to get going but text me when you get home and let me know you made it okay.”

“Uh-huh,” Eren offered back. It hadn’t occurred to him that while Levi had finished most of his sandwich, he’d ordered so much he still had half his food left. God that was embarrassing and suddenly it was all he could think about.

He wondered how many dates they could go on before he decided Eren was too much for him—too much drama, too much baggage, too much weight. Probably way less time than Reiner and surely Eren would find himself in the same spot after, all alone and eating his feelings.

X

Eren could feel his phone vibrating on the couch beside him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at it. He knew it was Levi. They’d been texting all day, for several days actually. He seemed genuinely interested in learning about Eren, which was strange. It wasn’t that he minded, just that he wasn’t used to someone caring this much about getting to know him. He wasn’t even sure Reiner had asked him a question about his interests in the last year of their relationship—but that was probably because he was too busy sleeping with his teammate.

Either way, Eren felt overwhelmed. He’d been carefully thinking out all his answers so as not to say the wrong thing. He’d hate for Levi to lose interest before they ever even got to go on their date. The thought alone was mortifying. He’d been freaking out about it for the last few days, and freaking out led to stressing and stressing led to eating…and now he was on his couch choking down pizza and wings in an effort to try and keep his mind of off all the ways he could ruin the date altogether.

Gaining another ten pounds before Friday was one way to start.

This wasn’t exactly his first binge of the week either. He’d been panicking for the last few days, overeating most nights as he talked to Levi or thought about their date.

It had been so long since he’d been on a date with someone who wasn’t Reiner, or even a date period. Towards the end they never went out alone to dinner or anywhere nice. Another sign that Eren had missed back then but could see now. Back then he’d been to blind to notice anything.

Now he noticed  _ everything.  _

What would he wear? Where would they go? Should he order a new outfit? What could he order that wouldn’t make him look like a total fatass, even if he kind of was. It was all so much and instead of actually trying to figure those things out, he just ate and hoped somehow that would make all of his anxiety go away.  

But as the date approached, it didn’t do anything but make him more self conscious.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren prepares for his date. Its like he can't get anything right, but Levi doesn't really mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! 
> 
> As always, thanks for everyone who's been supporting this story with kudos and comments. 
> 
> As you can see, the chapter count for the story is a question mark again lol I was just going to end the story right after the date, but I had some interest in continuing, and when I initially outlined the story, it was a bit longer and it had a better ending. After all the support, I don't think it would be fair to just end the story like I had planned. I'm thinking with the scenes I had originally planned, it'll be another chapter or two. I have to write them out, but I'm enjoying this au so much, I'm hoping that won't take long! 
> 
> For now, enjoy the latest chapter! Thanks so much for the support!

Murphy’s law was in full effect as Eren attempted to prepare for his date. Maybe he was over exaggerating, but of course everything seemed to be going wrong.  

He’d been in a panic from the moment he woke up and as the time approached he only became more nervous. To start favorite, and  _ largest _ , hoodie had a stain on it. From what, he wasn’t sure but he could bet money it was any of the many food benders he’d gone on this week. He had to settle for a zip up sweatshirt that fit better at the beginning of the semester. It wasn’t as bad if he didn’t try to close it, but the way it seemed to highlight just how fat his back was wasn’t flattering. He hated that that was a thing he even had to think about.

The only thing that seemed to get his mind off of it was swallowing down a whole box of pop tarts before his first class. He’d promised himself that he at least wouldn’t overdue it today and he’d already failed at that before ten am.

He only had two classes that day, but both were comprised of long, monotonous lectures and he’d had pop quizzes in both. Despite reading the assigned homework chapters he didn’t feel like he knew a single answer and was sure he’d bombed both quizzes with flying colors.

As the time drew closer, he only got more nervous. His first urge was to eat but if he sat down to eat, he knew he wasn’t getting up again so he tried to opt for a nap instead. He missed his first alarm and overslept twenty minutes, only giving him time to take a quick shower in cold water.

He slipped on the cold tile floor as he rushed out of the tub, landing hard on his right knee. It hurt like a bitch, but he doubted there was anything seriously wrong, despite the humiliating limp he was now sporting. Hopefully that would clear up before Levi got there in— _ seven fucking minutes.  _

Eren quickly limped into his room, trying to find something— _ anything— _ that might fit before Levi knocked on his door but it was too late. He had a pair of khakis in his hand when Levi first knocked. They were barely half way up his fat thighs when Levi knocked again. Then suddenly his phone was vibrating on the nightstand and Eren just knew that was Levi calling.

_ Fuck! _

He hobbled toward the nightstand and quickly answered so the hottest guy he’d ever met would at least know he hadn’t abandoned him.

“H-hey!” Eren said, out of breath and nervous, “Are you here already?”

“Yes. We agreed on eight didn’t we?”

They did. Eren had specifically picked that time because that was when the football game started.

“Y-Yeah! Is it eight already?”

“You’re not ready are you?” Levi asked slyly.

Eren couldn’t believe he was that obvious. “No. I’m getting dressed right now I swear. I kind of overslept. Sorry.”

“It’s fine. Would be nice if I didn’t have to wait for you out in the cold though.”

“Oh! My bad! I can let you in at least!” And damn he felt stupid for just leaving Levi out there. They hadn’t even left the apartment yet and things were off to a terrible start. If Levi thought he wanted to date him before he damn sure wouldn’t want to now.

“H-hey,” panted Eren as he threw open the door.

“Evening,” his date replied and Eren couldn’t miss the smirk that edged across his lips as he walked in. At least someone found his mishaps to be entertaining. “Usually one waits until after dinner to take their clothes off, but I think I could get used to this too.”

“Huh?”

Casually, Levi waved his hand over the length of his body, prompting Eren to look down. He was mortified by what he was staring at. He’d been in such a rush to open the door, he’d run out to the living room with his pants unbuttoned and no shirt on. Immediately he threw his hands over his body, not that they covered much of anything.

“Oh my  _ God!  _ I’m so sorry, I…I…” he paused to try and make some sense if his thoughts while Levi laughed into his hand. “Please just kill me.”  

“And ruin a perfectly good view? What would be the fun in that?”

There was nothing perfectly good about this view. Not when his body was on full display in all of its chubby glory. Levi had a front row seat to his stomach flopping over the hem of his pants, to his pale skin and fresh stretch marks, to his chest—that was so much softer than he’d ever wanted it to be. 

“You weren’t supposed to see me like this. I’m not dressed. I overslept and then I fell getting out of the fucking shower! Honestly this whole day has just been a disaster.”

“You can tell me all about it on our date if you still feel up to going out?”

He’s embarrassed beyond all reason but if Levi’s still up to it, even after seeing him naked, Eren could use the distraction.

“Anything would be better than the day I’ve had. Let me just put a shirt on.”

“Go ahead. I’ll be right here.”

Eren managed two whole steps before Levi cocked his head to the side. His playful tone was suddenly gone. “Eren are you limping?”

“Yeah from falling out of the shower.” As if he wasn’t embarrassed enough. The world is just mocking him at this point.

“Are you okay? Should we get it looked at?”

Like he wanted to explain to the doctor the intimate details of how he fell out of the bathtub. It wasn’t like it was broken, aching and throbbing a little but he could still move around so he would manage. “I’m not spending my first date with you in a hospital. I’m fine.”

Still Levi looked skeptical. Eren could hear the worry in his voice but he wasn’t going to let anything else get in the way of their night out.

“You’re sure?”

“Positive! Just ugh let me put a shirt on and then we can go.”

The trip to the room was a little more difficult but Eren figured taking a few ibuprofen would clear up the pain he was feeling. He swallowed two down dry and then searched the room for a shirt that didn’t contain buttons. The last thing he needed was to pop one in the middle of dinner or something. He settled a long sleeve black shirt that was a little clingier than he would like but he’d already wasted so much time. Plus Levi had already seen him naked and he hadn’t run for the hills yet so a little form fitting couldn’t be terrible.

“So what are we doing?” He asked when he finally reappeared in the living room. Levi was sitting on the couch flipping through one of his textbooks as if he were actually interested in it.  

“I looked up a few things we could choose from. One was mini golf—”

“You like mini golf?”

“Not particularly but you seem like you might.” He wasn’t wrong. Eren hadn’t played in a while, but there was a popular spot in town he’d been to a few times with Reiner.

“I also thought bowling.”

“Let’s go bowling,” he said immediately. He and Reiner hadn’t done that much. It was something not tainted by that relationship that he could surely enjoy.

“Alright bowling it is.”

X

Of course Levi was an amazing bowler. He made it look effortless and Eren was in awe every time he stepped up to the lane. The view of him from behind wasn’t necessarily bad either.  

His own bowling skills weren’t terrible, pretty decent actually. Though he probably would’ve been doing better if there wasn’t an aching pain in his leg every time he stood up to take his turn. He’d assumed that would go away after the car ride or after he moved around a bit but honestly it had just gotten worse. It wasn’t unbearable, but it wasn’t exactly comfortable either and it was throwing off his shot.

“You feeling alright over there?” Asked Levi as Eren tried his best to hide his limp. The guy was too observant for his own damn good. For once Eren wished he’d focus his eyes elsewhere on his body.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Really.”

Levi leaned back into the stiff plastic chair, arms crossed over his chest. “You sure? Cuz you’ve been hobbling around since we left your apartment.”

“I’m not  _ hobbling,”  _ he said, adjusting so there slightly less weight on his right leg. He covered it up by throwing a quick smirk over his shoulder, “Just correcting my stance, for maximum effectiveness.”

“You’re losing by three strikes.”

“Technicality.” He tossed the ball as best he could without use of both legs. It wasn’t the prettiest shot but it barely managed to knock down all twelve pins. “There. Now it’s only two.”

Levi rolled his eyes, but Eren could see the hint of a smile edging past his lips. It was so distracting, he forgot about not trying to put weight on his leg and the moment it touched the floor, he pulled back up so hard he almost fell. Luckily he caught himself on the ball return before toppling over. Levi was there holding him up within seconds, and all Eren could think was this was the first time he’d touched him—of course his hands were grazing his love handles.

“Eren your leg is getting worse. I think you should let me take you to a doctor.”

“No, you don’t have to do that. Besides it’s late. The doctors office is closed.”

“We could go to the emergency room.”

He didn’t want to waste some doctors time explaining how he fell out of the bathtub when there were people with real emergencies out in the waiting room.

“It’s not that serious.”

“You can barely walk. Minor emergency at least.”

Levi had a point. He was barely making it as it was but it wasn’t like it was brutal. Eren was sure it wasn’t anything that bad. It felt like such a big deal for something that would probably turn out to be nothing but wasted time and money. Somehow it would probably turn into how he’d feel better if he lost weight and he definitely didn’t want to hear that.

“I don’t know.”

“I’d feel better knowing you were okay.”

“But the date?”

“We can go on another one. It’s not that big of a deal.”

It was obvious he wasn’t going to talk his way out of this. So finally he sighed. “ _ Okay… _ minor emergency then. But I’m telling you, they’ll probably just give me some Ibuprofen and call me dramatic.”

“I’d rather you be a drama queen than seriously injured.”

And even though they’d just met, it kind of sounded like he actually cared.

X

The minor emergency room was fairly empty and it took no time for him to be called back.

One upside to the whole night was that Levi had pretty much been helping him everywhere, arms around him so that he wouldn’t fall again. Downside was that Levi’s arms could probably feel every extra pound stuck to his flesh, considering the only barrier between him and what had to be seventy pounds by now, was just a thin shirt.

“Eren Jaeger,” the nurse, a petite, pretty blonde woman called. She had delicate features, soft blue eyes and a cute button nose. If she made flirty eyes at Levi, and she did, Eren pretended not to notice.

Levi helped him to the back, supporting more of his weight than he was comfortable with but there wasn’t much he could say against it at this point. Levi hadn’t groaned or complained yet, so Eren tried not to think about it too hard. 

“Do you think you can manage to stand on the scale for me to get your height and weight?”

He was sure he could manage, but he didn’t really want to. He didn’t want Levi to _hear_ _that._ He didn’t want to hear that himself. I mean sure, anyone with two functioning eyes could see he was fat, but he didn’t know _how_ fat.

“Uh I guess.”

“Are you sure?” Asked Levi.

“Yeah, if you could help me up.”

Reluctantly, Levi eased him onto the scale and he attempted to balance himself as best he could. He could stretch out his leg, and putting weight on it wasn’t excruciating but it wasn’t pleasant either.

She quickly adjusted the scale and jotted down the numbers. He hoped she’d keep the numbers to herself but as Levi helped him down, she smiled at him. “Looks like you’re about five foot eleven, two twenty-nine.”

_ Two twenty-nine? _

Two. Twenty. Nine.

He’d gained nineteen pounds since the semester had started. Fuck. What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he get his shit under control? He was up seventy-nine pounds now. All because Reiner has cheated on him and he couldn’t get the hell over it.

Levi didn’t even flinch at the number, but Eren did. It was humiliating. Now he really didn’t want Levi touching him, hands gripping at the extra weight on his hips and back.

“A doctor will be with you shortly,” the nurse informed, but all Eren could think about was the number on the scale.

X

A bruised kneecap was the final verdict. By the time the doctor got around to looking at him, his knee was a watercolor of purples and blues, with heavy swelling and fluid building up all around it. It looks disgusting honestly, but it wasn’t too serious. It didn’t require surgery or anything. He was prescribed some pain killers, given a pair of crutches, and told to spend a week off of his leg.

Honestly he felt like an idiot. All of this for falling out of the shower. It was pretty embarrassing to say the least.

“It’s a good thing we stopped by here,” Levi offered as he helped Eren into the car. He seemed relieved that it wasn’t worse, but Eren almost wished it was. It just seems like a lot for something so  _ minor. _

Instead of saying what he was really thinking, he offered Levi a soft smile, “Thanks for bringing me. I’m sorry I ruined our date though.”

“Don’t be. I’m just glad you’re okay. Besides, this is easily the most interesting date I’ve ever been on.”

A trip to the emergency room doesn’t seem like the most romantic of dates, but it was different for sure.

“Are you hungry?” Levi asked, “We can stop and grab something on the way if you want? Finish our date.”

_ When was he not hungry? _ As much as he didn’t want to disgust Levi with his eating habits, he’d said he wanted to finish their date. He was still interested.

“I would like that.”

X

There was a pizza place by campus that stayed open pretty late. Eren knew it from making late night pizza runs with Reiner and his friends. They’d have lunch there sometimes, but for some reason the pizza just tasted better after 10pm.

It was late enough now that Eren and Levi figured the pies would be at their best, especially with all the hungry fans they got after a football game. It seemed like a perfect choice, or so he thought, until they walked in to see some of his old friends already sitting at a table. Reiner was there, right next to Bertolt because the universe hated him.

Eren’s eyes went wide as he made eye contact with the table. He immediately turned his head away, pretending not to notice them.

“We can go somewhere else,” Levi whispered but Eren shook his head. He wasn’t going to keep hiding from Reiner or let him push him out of places he had a right to be at.

“No, it’s fine. I’m going to find a seat and rest my leg.”

He found the farthest table he could, and sat with his back towards the group. Who cared if they were there? He was in a date with Levi and that was all that mattered.

It only took Levi a few minutes to arrive at the table, tray in hand, carrying four slices of pizza and two drinks. These days, Eren could easily take down all four over sized slices by himself but he kept that little fact to himself. He didn’t need Levi judging his overzealous eating habits. It was a miracle the guy was even attracted to him at all. If his weight didn’t push him away, something like that surely would.

“I should’ve asked but is pepperoni alright?” He sounded cautious, but Eren found it cute. He’d literally eat anything, which he thought was obvious but perhaps his date was just being careful.

“Yeah, that’s perfect. Thank you.”

“No problem. How’s the leg?”

“Fine, really. Barely even hurts anymore.”

“That’s because you’re on painkillers.”

“Well I guess the emergency room was good for something then,” he smirked, not wanting to acknowledge just how right Levi had been. “Thanks by the way, for taking me to get it checked.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m glad it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I was worried.”

Eren stopped mid bite, brow raised as he searched Levi’s face for even a slight hint of insincerity. “Seriously?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know. I just…”

“If I showed up hurt, would you be worried about me?”

“Well  _ duh _ .”  

“So how is this any different?”

Because it was Levi. He was smart, and gorgeous and caring and perfect. He  _ deserved _ to be worried about, to be fawned over. Eren wasn’t sure he was worth making a fuss about—unless it was a fuss about how he should be losing weight.

“No matter how much you think I don’t like you, you’re always going to be wrong. You should stop trying to rationalize it,” Levi said, non chalant, as if Eren wasn’t internally freaking out right now.

The moment he locked eyes with Levi, he turned his gaze. He couldn’t handle his intense stare right now, probably looking right into Eren’s soul. If nothing else, Eren was sure this angle gave him one hell of a double chin and nobody needed to see that.

He would’ve distracted himself with taking a bite of pizza, if he hadn’t just finished up his second slice. In the time it took him to eat two, Levi was still fiddling around with his first one. He didn’t even seem all that interested in it honestly, just peeling pepperoni’s off with his delicate fingers and dropping them in his mouth. 

Despite refusing to look up until his blush disappeared, he could hear the distinct sound of a plate being pushed across the table.

“You want my other slice?” Levi asked, “I’m not going to finish it.”

Eren wasn’t sure what to think or what to say. On a lonely night all by himself in his dorm, he could easily destroy four or five of the oversized slices. Now, he felt embarrassed scarfing down two. His stomach could fit more, sure, but he wasn’t exactly starving.

Levi tapped the plate again, “Don’t overthink it.”

“I’m not!” Eren exclaimed just a little too quickly. Awesome, now he’d given himself away.

“Yes you are, and for no good reason. I don’t care. If you’re still hungry, you should eat.”  

And what about when he wasn’t hungry? What would Levi think then? He wanted to say he’d just cross that bridge when he came to it, but it wouldn’t be that easy.

Still, he just smiled and tried not to let it ruin their date. “Thanks.”

“Of course.”

X

“Do you think you’ll be alright by yourself?” Levi asked, holding Eren’s door open as he slowly made his way inside. The crutches were hurting his armpits and they made him feel overdramatic, but Levi insisted he use them.

“I don’t see why not.”

“You slipped getting out of a bathtub and that was before you hurt yourself. Forgive me if I’m afraid to leave you alone.”

Eren rolled his eyes. Of course he’d pick the most blunt guy on campus to have a crush on. “You didn’t have to say it like  _ that… _ but I guess if you don’t trust me you can always just stay over and keep an eye on me.”

“Is that an invitation?” And Eren couldn’t quite tell if Levi was being serious or flirtatious, so he shrugged to cover up his blush.

“Yeah. It was,” and as he saw Levi making his way to the couch, he nervously added, “You can stay in my bed if you want. If you don’t want to sleep on the couch I mean.”

It had been so long since Eren had been courted, or actually had to gauge of someone liked him, he couldn’t quite read Levi’s expression. He seemed surprised, if not intrigued…but Eren couldn’t tell if he was interested. He hoped, but he didn’t have enough confidence to just assume.

“Do you want me to sleep in your bed Eren? Because you could just say so.”

He felt like he was being teased and he knew he must’ve looked flustered. His palms were sweating as he tried to keep a good grip on his crutches. He could feel his heartbeat picking up just slightly.

Part of him was nervous. He hadn’t been with anyone in months, or anyone who wasn’t Reiner in years. He’d never been with anyone at  _ this  _ size. He wasn’t sure what it was like, or how it would feel. Even more than that though, he liked Levi. He liked him a lot and he did not want to screw this up.

“Yes,” he said finally, hoping not to sound too desperate. Even if he was really fucking desperate. “If you want, I’d like that a lot.”

X

Even if Eren’s mind was mostly in the gutter, Levi really was looking out for him.

He was attentive, helping Eren get back to his room, changed and ready for bed. He was gentle, constantly asking if he was okay, if anything hurt. He made sure Eren iced his knee and took pain killers. He fluffed his pillows for him and made sure he was comfortable. It was sweet, he felt like he was being babysat, which wasn’t close to what he was expecting.

Levi made it sound like if he wanted something, he could just ask for it. Still he felt nervous, like at any moment this would all turn out to be some cruel joke and Levi would just leave…but he was still here. Even after Eren’s whining, even after the hospital, he was still here, sitting on the edge of the bed looking perfectly content.

“You know…When I invited you to stay and keep an eye on me, I didn’t really think you were actually going to keep an eye on me.”

“Oh?” Levi mused, leaning back onto his elbows, “And what did you think I was going to do?”

He had to know how tempting he looked, sprawled out like this with just a hint of skin showing at the base of his shirt. It wasn’t fair for someone to look this good and be so close, yet so out of reach.

Eren could barely keep a straight face with Levi looking like  _ that.  _ He turned his head to look down at his hands, resting in his lap. “I mean I thought you’d take care of me, but in  _ other  _ ways.”

“Be more specific.”

“ _ You’re kidding?” _

“I’m not.”

Eren sighed, loud and dramatic. It was all or nothing he supposed. “I thought we were gonna hook up, not prop my leg up on pillows.”

He waited in agony for a response, but it was quiet. He could feel Levi’s eyes on him, probably staring him up and down. It was stupid but all he could think was he hoped he didn’t look too fat from this angle.

“It’s fine if you don’t want to,” Eren threw in a moment later to save his own ass.

He could hear Levi moving before he felt brave enough to look up. He could feel his weight shifting on the bed and he pulled up to his hands and knees.

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” he said, edging closer and closer until he was sitting right at Eren’s side. “But it might be a little hard with your leg like this.”

This stupid leg was going to be the death of him. Here he was, with a hot guy in his bed for the first time in forever and of course, he was being cock blocked by himself. It wasn’t even the weight. The irony.  

“I think we could work around it?”

“Do you? Would you actually tell me if it was too much?”

Absolutely not, but he couldn’t say that. And he didn’t have to judging by the way Levi was laughing.

“I didn’t think so.” 

“But—” He didn’t want to sound desperate, but he kind of was honestly. Having Levi in his bed, even fully clothed, was like torture.  

“Relax,” he heard, and he was surprised when Levi leaned over, gently pressing their lips together.

He thought if they ever kissed, it would be rough and fast, like with Reiner, but this was the opposite. It was slow and passionate. Eren could feel just how much he was holding back.

He pushed in, turning his body just slightly to try and get as close to Levi as possible. He placed a hand on Levi’s shoulder for support and in turn, Levi placed one on his waist. Eren hitched just a little, stiffening at the idea that Levi could feel how soft he was under the protective cover of his shirt.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Keep going,” he lied.

“ _ Eren.” _

“Nothing. It’s just your hand is close to my stomach.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Levi asked before pulling his lips back and placing them on Eren’s neck.

This time his body hitched for different reasons.

Before he could answer, Levi’s lips were on on his collarbone and his hand had was squeezing at the base of his belly. Eren should’ve pushed it away but he was so distracted he couldn’t.

“I like your stomach. I like everything about you, but this part of you is especially nice.”

“You’re serious?” And how could he not be? His hands were right there, grabbing him with no shame.

“I haven’t lied to you yet.”

Which was true, he hadn’t. Hell he was all over Eren, his lips, his hands. They roamed freely, never once hesitating or drawing back from Eren’s full frame.

“There’s always our next date, after you’ve fully recovered,” Levi said between kisses and moments of trying to catch his breath. “I’ll prove it to you. It’ll be worth the wait.”

Eren almost didn’t believe him, but not because he thought Levi didn’t like him. It was just hard to imagine anything being much better than this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Stay tuned!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Eren and Levi's date. Levi still seems interested, which Eren struggles to understand. It might be easier if Reiner hadn't decided to rear his ugly head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Back with the next update! 
> 
> Thanks for everyone who left kudos and comments! And it was nice to see how excited you guys were when I said I would continue this! 
> 
> I'm thinking there will be one, maybe two more chapters after this, depending on how it plays out. I'll get them out as soon as possible!

When Eren first woke up, it was still dark out, probably not even six thirty yet judging by the lack of light peaking through the blinds. He stretched his arms a little, noting the slight pain in his knee and Levi in his bed… _ Levi  _ in his bed.  _ His. Bed. _

This had to be a dream. It definitely was a dream.

Why the hell else would he be here, cuddling Eren on a Saturday morning? Eren remembered getting in bed together, and a steamy make out session, but he didn’t quite remember falling asleep, especially not with Levi’s arm wrapped around his waist…and while he remembered sliding his hands up Levi’s shirt just a taste, he didn’t remember Levi taking it off. He must’ve slid it off while Eren was sleeping, because there was no way he could forget a body like  _ that _ . It was almost too perfect, like God had personally chiseled him out of his most prized piece of marble. And  _ holy shit,  _ was _ that an eight pack? _ Even Reiner’s body wasn’t this cut. Who the hell actually looked like this? No normal person.

Eren thanked God his own shirt was still on. The stark contrast between his pudgy stomach, and Levi’s perfect one, was bad enough when he was fully clothed. As much as he didn’t want to think about it, he couldn’t help but dwell on how flabby he was in comparison. How Levi could even stand to touch him last night, or this morning even? He couldn’t quite comprehend it, but something was telling him it might be better to go ahead and get out of bed now, rather than stay here and Levi wake up and regret sleeping next to him at all.

Slowly, Eren tried to shuffle out from under Levi’s grip without disturbing him. He was honestly surprised that Levi managed to stay asleep, considering the way bed shifted and creaked under his weight. It was even harder hobbling around on one leg without making any noise, but he managed to make it to his crutches and out of the room, all without the man in his bed waking up.

Despite Levi saying he liked him, saying that he liked his body, despite him being in his bed, Eren was still waiting for the ball to drop. He’d thought everything was good with Reiner too, and then he walked in on him screwing his best friend like his life fucking depended on it. Yeah, maybe Eren had trust issues, but he had a good reason. It was just impossible to believe something this good could be happening to him  _ now _ . What had he done to deserve good karma? Something told him gaining eighty pounds wasn’t the answer and the self-doubt was starting to kick in hard.

When that happened, knew there was only one thing that might calm him down. He really didn’t want to binge knowing Levi was sleeping down the hall in his room…but it was still early and Levi seemed to be pretty tired. Maybe Eren could sneak in a meal before he woke up?

He was at least going to try.

There was fresh box of Frosted Flakes and gallon of milk in the fridge. It was a simple meal that wouldn’t take long to put together. He could surely get a few bowls in before Levi woke up and he wouldn’t have to be on his feet long which was a definitely plus.

Eren hobbled around the kitchen, grabbing a bowl that was probably a little too large for a normal serving size, milk and cereal and setting it all on the two-person table in the corner of his kitchen. He filled it to the brim and stared at his phone, mindlessly scrolling through social media and playing games as he gorged himself on bowl after bowl until there was nothing left in the box.

To be honest, this wasn’t the first time he’d swallowed down a whole box by himself in one sitting. He’d done it more than a few times over the summer, but he still hadn’t gotten used to the feeling of his stomach swollen with a half gallon of milk. It was heavy, but not stiff. It wiggled a lot, which was almost more uncomfortable in a way. When he was alone, it didn’t really matter, but Levi was still in his bed and he needed to get up to throw away the evidence of his overeating before he woke up.

It was harder limping around on one leg when he was disgustingly full. Instead of using one hand to support his stomach, like he normally would, he had to use it to keep himself from falling over. He felt awkward, hobbling around trying to throw out trash while his belly sloshed uncomfortably with each jerky step.

He managed to get the milk back in the fridge and the box in the trash without too much difficulty. All that was left was washing the bowl, which might be hard trying to balance on one leg. Had it been Mikasa or Armin asleep in his bed, he wouldn’t have cared enough to hide the evidence. Yeah he’d be embarrassed, but they kinda had to like him anyway right? Levi didn’t and Eren was determined not to let his God-awful coping mechanisms turn him away. If this failed, Eren was sure he wasn’t going to find anyone else interested in him at this size. He’d surely be alone forever, eating dinners for two by himself every night for the rest of his life.

Eren felt Levi before he saw or heard him, strong arms wrapping around his waist and scaring him half to death. He’d been too busy pre-rinsing his bowl to realize he was no longer alone.

“You’re not supposed to be standing up without your crutches,” Levi scolded, but all Eren can focus on were his abs pressing into his back, and his hands sinking into the flesh right above his belly button.

“I ugh…I wanted to get some cleaning done.” It didn’t even sound convincing. He might as well have had ‘liar’ plastered right on his forehead. Thank God Levi couldn’t see his face.

“Well I’m taking you back to bed.” That sounded promising.

“Like in a  _ fun _ way?” Part of Eren was excited about the idea of eventually getting laid again. The other part of him was not excited about having to take off his clothes to do it.

“If by fun, you mean one hundred percent safe and relaxing, then yes, in a fun way.”

“That’s actually the exact opposite of what I meant.”

“Patience,” offered Levi, kissing the nape of his neck. It sent shivers up his spine as Levi carefully moved his lips up and worked the cereal bowl out of Eren’s hands.

The hairs on the back of his neck weren’t the only things standing after that.  “You’re such a tease.”

“Hey, this is hard for me too. But I’m not doing anything to jeopardize your recovery.”

“Oh thoughtful of you doctor.”

“Doctor?” Paused Levi, “I didn’t take you for a role player.”

“If you’re gonna treat me like a patient, I might as well have a little fun with it.”

“Well as much as I’d like to take you back for a more thorough exam,” he said and Eren could feel his knee practically buckle as Levi worked his hand slowly down his side, “you need to rest and I need to shower and get some homework done.”

Eren groaned, reluctantly allowing Levi to put his arm around his waist to shuffle him down the hallway. Having him in such close proximity did nothing to quell the hard on currently causing him grief.

“Do you have someone to help you, maybe look over you for a while?” Levi asked as he helped Eren into bed.

He rolled his eyes in response and quickly grabbed a blanket to cover his lap. “I can take care of myself, really. It’s not that serious.”

“I’d feel more comfortable if someone was here with you.”

At the moment Eren didn’t want anyone here to see his compromising predicament.

“I can call my sister I guess. She lives in the same building and I should probably let her know what’s going on anyway.”

“Good. You do that, and I’ll text you to check in a little later okay?”

Eren didn’t really know what to say. He wanted to tell Levi he didn’t have to, that he didn’t have to be so nice to him, but he knew it wouldn’t matter. Levi would donit anyway, because he  _ wanted  _ to. Eren was still having a hard time grasping that concept.

“O-okay.”

“Try not to hurt yourself anymore alright,” he warned, leaning in and kissing him. Eren didn’t think he’d ever get used to that, but he didn’t have time to, not when Levi was running a hand over his lap. He thought he’d done a better job of hiding his arousal, but Levi’s smirk told him he hadn’t even come close.

“ _ And try not do anything too strenuous while I’m gone either.” _

X

Eren would be lying if he said he hadn’t practiced a little self-love the minute he heard Levi close his front door.

He didn’t think it had taken that long, but by the time he got around to looking at his phone, he had already missed several missed calls texts from Mikasa and Armin both. Even Jean had sent him one and they were all wondering the same thing…what had happened to his leg and who the hell was the guy he was with the night before?

How the hell did they know about either? He couldn’t believe there was already a rumor going around about him and Levi. After one date? Sure, people had seen them out together grabbing pizza but how did anyone even know it was a date?

As he contemplated how to even answer, his phone started vibrating in his hand.

_ Mikasa. _

She was calling again and for a moment he considered letting it ring, but he knew her. Too many missed calls and she’d start to freak out. Then she’d be calling their parents and it would turn into a thing. He definitely didn’t want or need that.

“Hello?”

“ _ Eren? _ Finally! I’ve been trying to reach you for hours! Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“So you’re not on crutches?”

_ Oh, those…he’d almost forgotten about that.  _ “I mean,  _ yeah _ , but it’s not like a big deal or anything.”

“So, it doesn’t have anything to do with the guy you were with last nigh?”

_ “What?” _ He practically yelled, pulling the phone away from his mouth, “Are people saying that?”

“I ughh…”

“Freaked out cuz you’re crazy overprotective?” He wouldn’t put it past her. She always jumped to conclusions when it came to him.

“I didn’t know what to think. People are saying all kinds of things. Jean heard something about you being out with some random guy. Armin heard you something about you being hurt. You weren’t answering the phone. I was getting worried.”

He supposed she had a right to freak out for once. When they were kids, he used to complain that she looked out for him too much. Granted she was tougher and stronger, but still! Then again, when she backed off, he got cheated on and picked up self destructive eating habits so…maybe having her hover wasn’t all bad.

Eren wished he could’ve gotten the chance to tell her about the date himself, instead of the rumor mill doing it for him, but he should’ve known better than to think this wouldn’t spread across campus. He still had enough residual cool points from Reiner to be a hot campus topic. If there was anything the masses loved more than talking about someone doing well, it was talking about something doing bad.

“There’s nothing to worry about,” he assured her. “I was going to see if you and the guys wanted to stop by though? I’m supposed to be resting so I thought maybe you’d wanna keep me company? I’ll answer any questions you have about last night.”

He figured that would ease her and Levi’s minds both. He could say someone was with him, even if there was no way in hell he was asking her to take care of him. Anything he needed, he’d figure it out.

“Sure. I’ll call Armin and Jean. We’ll be over in ten.”

X

“You went on a date and didn’t think to tell any of us? What if this Levi guy was crazy?” Mikasa asked, ever the voice of reason in his life.

If Levi was crazy, it was only for being attracted to Eren in the first place. He could do significantly better.  

Casually he waved his hand, “Excuse me for not wanting my sister to send me text messages every fifteen minutes asking me if I safe. I didn’t want your presence scaring him away.”

“You can be kind of intimidating,” Jean offered, actually backing him up for once. Eren knew he had to seem particularly pathetic if Jean was being even somewhat nice to him.

“You could’ve at least told Armin! He’s reasonable.”

“I think we all know he would’ve told you,” Eren said and Armin blushed but didn’t argue. “Besides, I’m fine.”

“You’re laid up and on crutches,” Jean pointed out.

“A technicality. That had nothing to do with my date.”

“How  _ did _ you hurt yourself?” Asked Armin.

Eren was embarrassed to admit it, but if it got his friends off his back—or Levi’s rather—then he supposed it was worth admitting. “I fell getting out of the shower.”

“You’re fucking kidding?”  

“Does that sound like a joke?” There was probably was a joke in there somewhere about him being overweight and rolling out of the shower, but even Jean was virtuous enough not to make it. “So whatever other stupid things people are saying aren’t true. I don’t understand why anyone’s still interested in me anyway. I figured by now, the focus would be on Reiner and Bertolt.”

“Well that’s the thing,” started Armin awkwardly, “Apparently, Reiner was the one asking around about you and Levi in the first place. That’s what got people interested.”

Eren could feel his mouth going dry, his heart beating double time in his chest. Reiner had been asking about him? He’d been asking about  _ Levi? _ For what? What the hell could he possibly want? Hadn’t he done enough?

“God, he just refuses to leave me the hell alone,” he groaned, throwing his hands over his face. He felt his shirt raise up over his stomach, a not so teeny reminder of the damage Reiner had already caused. “What do I even do?”

His sister sighed, a painfully sympathetic look on her face. They’d all experienced the fall out from Reiner first hand. Of course, she felt awful knowing he was still causing problems, but what could they really do. “This Levi guy,” she finally said, “He’s nice to you? And he likes you right?”

“Well yeah, I’m pretty sure.” At least he hoped.  

“Then just ignore Reiner. He’ll get bored and move on eventually. He always does.”

Eren knew that all too well first hand.

“Besides, it sounds like you’ve found something much better.”  

Eren wanted to think that he had.

X

Even if he knew if his heart Levi was a much better choice, once his friends were gone, Eren couldn’t help but dwell on what Armin had said.

Why would Reiner care about what he was up to or who he was seeing? Last Eren remembered, he was the one who’d been broken up with and that was  _ after  _ he caught Reiner cheating on  _ him _ . It all seemed pretty damn backwards.

Yet he couldn’t get his mind off of it.

It wasn’t that he liked thinking about Reiner still. It was the opposite in fact. He hated himself for doing it. After everything Reiner had done, had  _ caused, _ why did he care? It wasn’t fair. Why was he always the one getting hurt? It had been months, why was he still suffering? He didn’t have the answers. All he knew, was how to shove those feelings down and feed them until they went away.

Eren started as soon as he was alone. Ordering in always made him feel better, and he’d ordered more than enough to smother his feelings and then some. What was better than Italian for filling a hole—starchy pastas, plenty of cheese and rich cream sauces, not to mention breadsticks and dessert.  

Did he need to shovel down multiple servings of cheap ravioli, Alfredo  _ and _ lasagna— _ no.  _ Knowing better wasn’t going to stop him from doing it anyway though.

He was lying in his bed, leg propped on a pillow, surrounded by containers overflowing with food and it still didn’t feel like it would be enough. No matter how sick he felt or how swollen he got, Reiner was still in the back of his mind, waiting to find a way to ruin his new relationship before it even started…

If Eren’s constant binge eating didn’t ruin it first.

He wanted to get it under control, he really did, but then shit like this popped up and he didn’t know what to do anymore. Eating was a quick fix. He knew that. He could  _ feel  _ it. Sure, his stomach was so stuffed now all he could focus on was doing whatever he could to relieve the pressure. After he digested though, then what? The feelings would come back. He could only binge so much. Besides, he never felt good about himself after.

Even now, he was in bed with all the evidence of his recent meal (feast) all around him. He was lying back, barely able to take shallow breaths. His pants were pushed low on his hips, under his stomach to avoid restriction. He’d even lifted his shirt up to his chest in an effort to allow his bloated belly to fully expand.

It was taught and round, practically pinning him to the bed under its weight. Wherever his hand roamed—over or underneath it—Eren could feel the damage. He could feel the skin stretching to accommodate his disgustingly insatiable appetite. When full, the dome of his belly perched so high, he couldn’t see much below it. It was embarrassing to think your gut had gotten so round it blocked the view of his dick, but it wasn’t like it wasn’t true. He thanked God he could still reach down there at least. He had some time to go before he was  _ that  _ fat.

At the rate he was going, that would probably be by the end of this year.

Eren hoped it wouldn’t get that bad, but it was surely plausible now. He was pretty damn big already and he’d never expected to weigh anything more than his usual one-fifty at best. He’d always been thin, and in fairly good shape, but Reiner’s infidelity had sent him into a downward spiral. Now food seemed to be his go to coping mechanism.

There wasn’t anything a good binge and a belly rub couldn’t sooth, at least temporarily. It was a vicious cycle really— _ get upset, eat, get upset about overeating and then eat some more. _

The damage was pretty undeniable. Eren could see it in the sudden roundness of his face, in the way his thighs spread to twice their old size when he sat down. It was obvious in every stretch mark painting his body, and there were more than a few of those, in places he would’ve never imagined. He could understand the ones under his belly button or even on the ones on his ever-thickening love handles, but did they really have to show up on his chest too? Wasn’t having tits that rivaled his sister’s punishment enough?

If karma worked the way he thought it should, Reiner should’ve been the one dealing with this, or Bertolt even. Eren didn’t see how it was fair that he got cheated on and got fat, but somehow it had worked out that way. So, while his ex was probably laid up in his dorm with his new beaux in his lap, Eren was lying in his bed with a container of tiramisu sitting in his.

He wasn’t even hungry anymore. He hadn’t been even half way into his binge, but Eren wasn’t about to let anything go to waste either. He could surely finish off one slice of dessert considering it was all he had left.

He palmed at his belly, hoping to massage even another meager ounce of room out of it. Eren was a lot of things, but a quitter wasn’t one of them, and he found it hard to imagine that with a stomach this large, he couldn’t manage a few more bites of dessert. He thought maybe if he shifted position a little and maybe sat up, that might help, but all he really managed was to jostle his stomach uncomfortably and give himself a perfect view of his gut spilling into his lap.

The next bite went down slow, and he could feel himself forcing it at this point. His body was protesting, and he was using everything in his power to fight against it. Eren tried taking a short break. He tried rubbing underneath his belly to coax some space into it. He tried to just about anything that came to mind but nothing was easing his struggle.

He was so preoccupied he barely felt his phone vibrate beside him. He was so stuffed he almost considering ignoring the message in favor of not jerking his belly around even more, but that quickly lost out to the idea of texting Levi. They’d been messaging on and off all day, with the older male frequently checking in on him. It was sweet and Eren was excited to see the latest message.

Only it wasn’t Levi. It was Reiner.

Eren didn’t know what the hell he wanted, and he wasn’t sure he wanted too. Whatever it was, it was bound to upset him and suddenly it wasn’t so hard to finish off the last of his dessert. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's starting to wonder how long people will continue to pick up the pieces of his messes. Levi doesn't seem to mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again! 
> 
> Didn't mean for this to take this long!!! The last part, Levi and Eren's date, is what was taking the most time, so finally I decided to split this chapter into two parts and let the date be whole chapter by itself! 
> 
> Thanks for everyone who has stuck with me and left comments or kudos! That's always encouraging! I'm working on the last chapter, just tryna to write cute/mildly kinky shit without sounding like a total dork! ^.^ We'll see how that goes...

**From: Reiner Braun**

_ Can we talk? _

Eren stared at the message for what felt like an eternity, trying to piece together what they might even have to say to one another. An apology would be fucking nice but he doubted he’d ever get one of those. Thousands of scenarios played in his mind and honestly none of them seemed good. Everything in Eren told him talking to Reiner was a stupid idea…an idea that would probably lead to him gaining eighty more pounds before the end of semester. As if he wasn’t fat enough already.  

It was hard to not ask what he wanted. It was even harder to convince himself talking to Reiner was a bad idea in his heart, even when his mind knew better. There were still parts of Eren that wished they could figure things out…but that was stupid. Even if he ever managed to forgive Reiner, Reiner probably wouldn’t touch him now. It wasn’t worth screwing up a good thing with Levi he told himself, no matter how hard it was to reject his ex.

**From: Eren**

_ No _

And if Reiner said anything after that, Eren wouldn’t know, because he’d blocked him and complained to his friends instead. He was in a good place, at least he planned to be and maybe not thinking about Reiner would help him get there.

X

“So I’ve been thinking about our next date,” Levi said, sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table with a textbook resting in his lap. They were supposed to be having a study session but Eren hadn’t gotten a single assignment done. He was trying to read Shakespeare but he’d mostly been staring at Levi’s perfect jawline or his perfect eyes or literally anywhere on him whenever he thought Levi wouldn’t notice and scold him.

“Oh yeah, what are you thinking?”

Eren hoped he didn’t sound as sound as curious as he really was, but subtlety had never really been his strong suit. Plus, he hadn’t been this excited about something in a while. He really wanted his next date with Levi to go better than the first.

Levi closed his book, full attention on Eren as he leaned his elbows on the table. He had a look in his eyes Eren couldn’t quite describe, like he was incredibly serious but also holding back an equally juicy secret. “ _ I’m going to cook for you. _ ”

“What?”

“I said I’m going to make you dinner.”

Eren had heard him just fine, but it was the idea he couldn’t wrap his head around. Levi wanted to cook for him? There were a thousand reasons why Eren thought that was a terrible idea. For starters, he hated eating in front of Levi. No matter how much Levi didn’t seem to care, it was still embarrassing. It was hard to imagine people weren’t judging him with every bite. Hell, he judged himself with every one.

“You’re sure?” Eren sighed, “You don’t want to do  _ anything _ else?” He’d be open to anything that didn’t directly center around eating.

He watched Levi glance around the room, pretending to actually consider the idea. He already knew the answer.

“No.”

Of course not. So Eren had ruined the first date by falling out of the shower. He’d ruin the second one by overeating until he got sick—or trying to cover up the sound of his stomach growling if he didn’t eat enough. This would be the last straw. Levi would surely be done after this.

“Do you have any allergies?” Levi asked. He strummed his fingers against the table, staring as if he knew exactly what Eren was thinking.

Arguing was futile, Eren had figured out that much. It would only make him sound like a brat. Levi had already made up his mind. “No.”

“Any requests then?”

Death? Maybe he could fall out of the shower again? Or down a flight of stairs this time? Maybe he could drop out and go to school online or something?

“Also no. I’ll eat anything,” he said before he realized how bad that sounded. Of course he’d eat anything, as if the eighty plus pounds hanging off his body wasn’t a dead fucking giveaway. Levi didn’t even bat an eye.

“Good. I’ve got a few recipes in mind.”

“Are you a good cook?” He probably was. Levi seemed like the kind of guy who was good at everything. Some people were just lucky like that.

“I like to think so but you’ll be the judge this weekend. I’m thinking Friday, when your knee is fully recovered?”

“Yeah, Friday works.”

“Good. I’ll be—” he started, before a sudden knock on the door startled them both. Eren wasn’t expecting company, or take out for that matter. He shrugged when Levi glanced his direction. “I’ll guess I’ll see who it is then.”

He figured it was probably some campus ministry group popping by again to invite him to volunteer or something. Levi could easily shoo them away and they’d go back to studying, AKA Eren freaking out about the idea of eating in front of Levi again. Why did this keep happening?

Why couldn’t they see a movie somewhere nice and dark? Or go to a play where you couldn’t eat and had to be quiet? Why did the world keep embarrassing him? Why was—

_ “Um, excuse me, is Eren here?” _

Why was his sister standing in the doorway?

Awkwardly, he turned his torso to try and face her as best he could without disturbing his knee. “Mikasa?”

They hadn’t made any arrangements to hang out tonight. He hadn’t talked to her since his rant about Reiner texting him the night before. It wasn’t unusual for her to pop in sometimes but why tonight?

Levi stepped aside, allowing her to walk in. She had a shopping bag in hand, with what Eren wasn’t quite sure. It kind of looked like ice cream from where he lying, but Mikasa wasn’t exactly big on ice cream—or anything delicious and unhealthy. Unlike him she actually had self control and discipline.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” He asked, propping himself up onto his elbows.

“I thought I’d surprise you, try and get your mind off last night. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you’d have company.”

That was a fair assumption, considering he’d spent the last few months living in total isolation. But Levi had texted him asking if he wanted to study—which was probably just an excuse to make sure he wasn’t overexerting himself. Still Eren had jumped all over it, as if he needed an excuse to see Levi.

“Don’t apologize, I ugh, usually you wouldn’t be wrong. This is Levi. Levi, this is my sister Mikasa.”

In true Mikasa fashion, she didn’t attempt to hide her stern glare as she sized him up, hand extended but stiff and cautious. In all fairness she did it everyone—Eren’s first date in high school, Reiner, hell even her own boyfriend, Jean. Eren would’ve been worried if she reacted any other way.

Thankfully, Levi didn’t seem offended as he received her hand.

“So you’re the guy who took my brother out last weekend?”

“That would be me.”

“Hm… _ and what are your—” _

Eren knew where that question was going before she could even get halfway through. As much as he loved his sister, he didn’t need her giving Levi the third degree. “Mikasa, if you love me, please don’t ask him what his intentions are.”

She cocked her head to the side, as genuine and awkward as ever. “How am I supposed to know if I don’t ask?”

To be fair, she’d also asked Reiner and he’d just lied, but she’d never been his biggest fan anyway. She’d never been anybody’s, especially not anyone he dated. Eren was almost positive his sister thought he was incapable of handling himself—but then again, who didn’t think that these days?

Eren groaned, dropping his forehead into his palm. “ _ You’re  _ not supposed to know.”

“I don’t mind answering a few questions for your sister,” offered Levi, and the look in his eyes made it very clear he was only doing this to torture him. “If we’re going to continue seeing each other, she and I would’ve crossed paths eventually.”

That explanation sounded more genuine but Eren was positive their conversation would only embarrass him in the end. He appreciated his sister’s concern,  _ he really did _ , but Mikasa wasn’t exactly subtle…or like  _ nice _ for that matter. She was about as inviting as a feral cat with rabies.

“You want to stay a while?” Asked Levi, “We were just studying.”

She nodded, holding up the bag in her hand, “Yeah, I need to put this ice cream away before it melts.”

And thank God she’d at least brought that. Eren would need something to ease the pain of listening to his sister play twenty questions with Levi later.

X  

“I kind of liked your sister,” Levi said later, after an intense interview that damn had him giving her his social security number for a background check. “She’s very  _ thorough. _ ”

“She’s terrifying and overprotective,” just to name a few. She was also a genius, crazy athletic, gorgeous and kind of awkward, but she didn’t flaunt any of those traits, only the scary ones.

At least she hadn’t seemed to hate Levi. She hadn’t really done anything that said she liked him either, but Eren knew her well enough to know that was a win.

“I think she liked you though,” and it was subtle, but Eren swore he heard Levi let out a sigh of relief.

X

For the first time in a while, things seemed to be going well. Like  _ really _ well.

Mikasa had made no threats against Levi’s life. Levi still seemed to be interested in him. He hadn’t heard from Reiner or seen him since he’d texted…granted Eren had blocked him on every social platform possible and taken different routes to class all week to keep from running him. It was worth it. Now it was Friday, he had a date with Levi and as of this morning, he was cleared to stop using crutches and just take it easy. It was going to be a good weekend too. He wasn’t going to let the idea of Reiner ruin him…well not again at least.

He’d been eating in his apartment all week, partly because of his knee and partly to avoid running into Reiner. Considering it Friday and he was mobile again, he thought he’d be fine having lunch in the cafeteria with his friends—though it mostly consisted of Jean and Armin interrogating him about Levi now that Mikasa had laid eyes on him.

“Is he really shorter than  _ Armin _ ?” Jean asked and Mikasa immediately shot him a look before bringing her hand to her temples.

Eren expected nothing less. “Of course that’s what  _ you _ ask,” he said, playfully rolling his eyes. “I mean it’s nothing crazy, he’s maybe like an inch, inch and half shorter?”

“Why am I the benchmark?” Pouted Armin and Jean was quick to point out that he was obviously the smallest among them.

For a moment Eren drowned out everything in the cafeteria but the innocent banter—Armin trying to convince them he was a perfectly normal height, Jean laughing, Mikasa apologizing for saying anything at all. It was chaotic but comforting, and Eren found himself laughing right along…at least until the last person he wanted to see was suddenly standing right beside him. Eren hadn’t even noticed anyone approach the table.

“Eren? I’ve been trying to contact you all week,” Reiner said, leaning against the table, not even acknowledging any of the others.

The table fell silent but the looks on everyone’s faces spoke volumes. He could feel the anger coming from his sister in waves. The grip on her fork was so tight, her knuckles were turning white and Eren knew if he didn’t do something, she was going to pounce. Even if there was no doubt in his mind she could take the quarterback, the last thing he wanted was to hear a mouthful from his parents about having his sister physically fight his battles for him.

“Can we talk for a minute?  _ Alone?” _

Everything in him said to say no, tell Reiner to fuck off, go away, get out of his life, but he couldn’t bring himself to say the words. It was stupid, but he and Reiner had history. There was part of him that did still care about Reiner despite everything and with him standing right here in front of him, it was so much harder to say no.

He looked up at Reiner, and then down at his friends. Armin was staring at him, his eyes narrowed, practically begging him to say no. Even Jean looked concerned. He could mess with Eren but he’d be damned if he let anyone else do it.

Eren knew if he just said no, they would back him up, they would make Reiner go away, but instead he looked down at his hands. He didn’t want to see their faces as he said, “It’s okay guys...I’m gonna hear him out. We’ll just sit at the end of the table. I’ll be fine.”

He knew they were upset but still he followed Reiner to the end of the table where they could be alone—or at least as alone as they could be with a cafeteria full of people subtly staring at them.

He sat down tucked his hands into his lap, hoping to make himself look as small as possible. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

“I’ve been worried about you and you weren’t answering my phone calls or texts.”

“Do you blame me? Our last conversation wasn’t exactly the most productive.” That was an understatement. Eren had locked himself in his room for most of the day after that and added another few pounds to his frame surely.

“Yeah, it could’ve gone better, but I was hoping we could try again.”

“Well now’s your chance…so what did you want?” Reiner still hadn’t given up the real reason for their conversation yet and Eren was starting to get anxious.

“Just to talk to you. We used to talk all the time and now I feel like I don’t know what’s going on with you anymore. How are you? Have you been okay? Is your leg better?”

This sounded safe, casual, like maybe Reiner was extending an olive branch, but Eren was still unsure. His gut was telling him something wasn’t right no matter how good this sounded.

“I’ve been fine I guess. My leg looked worse than it was, not that anything that’s going on in my life is any of your business considering what you did. I don’t even get why you’re asking? Can you really say you still care?”

“Of course I still care!” He said, like there should have been no doubt in Eren’s mind. Eren had never thought Reiner would cheat either, but here they were. “I know I hurt you but I was still concerned. Do you blame me? You disappeared all Summer. Nobody heard from you. And then you come back to campus and you,  _ well,  _ it looked like you had a rough few months. I felt awful.”

“ _ You  _ felt awful?” Eren laughed. He came back overweight and depressed and  _ Reiner _ felt bad?

“I mean how could I not? It was hard not to feel responsible after seeing how you’d kinda just  _ blown up. _ I knew that probably had something to do with our break up.”

“So this is about your guilt again? Because if that’s all it is you can fuck off. This whole conversation was a mistake.” He placed his hands on the table, ready to push himself up to leave, but of course Reiner placed a hand on his, stopping him in his tracks.

“Wait, I’m sorry. That came out wrong.”

He hated thinking it was still that easy, that Reiner could just touch him and shoot him a sad look and he’d concede. Yet here he was, rolling his eyes, but not going anywhere. He was so easy sometimes. At what point would Eren stop blaming it on old feelings and just call it what it was— _ stupidity _ ? He was starting to think he  _ liked _ letting his ex butcher his self esteem.

“Reiner,” he sighed, “Why are you talking to me? What about Bertolt? Tired of him already?”

“Well we aren’t getting along the best right now. We’ve had a few fights about you and I. He’s not exactly happy with me for wanting to talk to you.”

“I wonder why? Shame on him for being suspicious.”

“We have history Eren. He knows that…and I know I was wrong for what I did, but I’d like to think you haven’t just forgotten about me.”

_ Was he really playing a victim right now?  _ Was Bertolt just supposed to sit back and take Reiner’s shit? Was this how Eren had been before Reiner finally cheated?

Eren squeezes at his temples, hoping to relieve even a little of the tension this conversation was causing. “How could I forget about you, Reiner? You won’t leave me the hell alone.”

He hated the way Reiner smiled at him, like it was a joke. He hated the fact that he thought that smile was cute, that he’d missed having it directed at him after all these months. “You used to like that. You used to love the attention.”

“I think it’s normal to want attention from your boyfriend.”

“Well yeah, but let’s not pretend you didn’t eat it up. You loved being together and all the attention you got from it. We were with each other all the time, on campus, at parties. I was all over you and you were all over me. You craved that. You needed it.”

_ And when he didn’t have it, he looked for other ways to fill the hole he was missing _ .

Still, what gave Reiner the right to come in here and play therapist? Eren had known this was a bad idea before he went to talk to Reiner. He’d known that after five minutes of talking. He should’ve left when he had to chance, or just let Mikasa break Reiner’s nose, but he’d set himself up for this. For what? Did he really think anything had changed? What had he been hoping for? To make up? To be friends again?

“Don’t make it sound like I used you for popularity or something. I fucking  _ loved _ you. I loved you and you stabbed me in the back, and made me the laughing stock of the entire campus. Then instead of talking it out, you just dump me. I had to go back home with my tail between my legs and deal with everything on my own!”

“And I’m sorry about that…but I thought cutting ties would be best for you. We both know you’ve always been kind of dependent—on me, on your sister, on your parents,  _ on _ …”

_ On food. _

And he didn’t say finish the sentence, but Eren knew that’s what he’d wanted to say. He wasn’t exactly wrong.

“So now you think I can’t take care of myself?”

“Well…” he started, unwilling to meet Eren’s eyes, “I mean… _ look at you. _ You’re gaining weight and popping up on crutches. I would say you’re probably not taking the best care of yourself.”

“And what? Are you here to save me?”

“I just hate seeing you like this and I do still care about you and I do miss you,” Reiner said and Eren wasn’t sure he believed that. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to. “I was stupid for cheating and for breaking up with you the way I did but maybe moving forward we could try and figure things out? We could work on us. We could work on your weight. We were perfect for each other. We could be that again.”

And a few months ago, Eren would’ve fallen for this without question. He would’ve fallen for it a few weeks ago even. But even he knew this was too good to be true. Was he just supposed to drop everything for Reiner because he asked? He would break his back losing weight for him and being who he used to be in hopes that Reiner would maybe not cheat again?

This wasn’t fair. Not to him. Not to his friends, who’d he pushed aside the first time Reiner hurt him. Not to Levi, who treated him well. Not to Bertolt even and Eren hated him.

“ _ No _ ,” stated Eren firmly, but he could feel the awkward lump trying to lodge itself in his throat. “You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to toss me aside and pick me back up again when you’re bored or when Bertolt isn’t doing what you want. I don’t have to put up with it. I beat myself up all summer thinking there was something wrong with me, but it’s not me. It’s you! If you want to hurt Bertolt the way you hurt me, go right ahead, but I’m not going to be a part of it.”

He refused to have that on his conscience and just talking about it made him feel disgusting. Even if Reiner really did want him back, he couldn’t go back, not after this conversation. He’d been delusional in hoping they could at least be cordial again. He should’ve just followed his first instinct and never talked to Reiner again.

_ They could be together again, _ but only once Eren got rid of the the things in the way like Bertolt, and his weight. He didn’t know what issues Reiner and Bertolt were having but he didn’t care. It didn’t matter.

If he caved and went back now, he’d be stuck on this back and forth with Reiner for the rest of his life. He couldn’t handle that. His  _ weight _ couldn’t handle that.

This time when Eren stood up to leave, he didn’t let Reiner stop him, even when he knew his ex had jumped up to follow him.

“Eren wait,” he said, only to be ignored.

Eren thought he’d escaped, until he felt a hand reach out and brush his waist. It was quick, but just enough to get a good grip. He could feel Reiner’s hand flinch and pull back, probably alarmed by just how soft he was. It was all over his face, the surprise, the pity, the disgust.

“Don’t touch me! Please Reiner, just leave me alone. Go back to Bertolt and work things out with him. I found someone who might actually like me, like this even, and I don’t want to mess that up pining over you anymore.”

“But Er—” Reiner started, and then suddenly he paused and that’s when Eren noticed his friends had stood up.

Mikasa had Reiner by the wrist, with Jean and Armin getting in front of him. “I think he told you not to touch him,” she said and even Reiner wasn’t willing to challenge her after that.

X

Despite trying his best to sound tough at lunch, Eren’s resolve melted almost as soon as he made it back to his dorm.

The minute he had the door closed, he fell back against it, sliding down to the floor as his legs buckled underneath and the tears came in waves. He couldn’t believe Reiner.

Who the hell did he think he was? Who did he think Eren was? He really thought it was that easy, that he could come saying he missed him and Eren would just take him back. He made it sound like he was doing Eren a favor, that Eren should be lucky to be given hope of a second chance.

All he had to do was lose weight and forget about Bertolt, forget that Reiner had ever cheated. Then things could all go back to normal…until Reiner was bored with him and wanted Bertolt again, or anyone else for that matter. Eren refused to subject himself to that level of pain again. He still hadn’t fully recovered from the first time. A second blow would destroy him…not that today’s encounter wasn’t already.

The minute he found even a tiny semblance of composure, he was on his phone pulling up menus. He was going to order in. He was going to eat until he got sick, and then he was going to eat some more. He was going to stuff himself until all of the pain, and anger and humiliation finally went away. That might be after one binge, but knowing him, he’d probably spend the rest of the semester trying to fill that hole and for once he didn’t care about the consequences.

He was already fat and he was already pathetic. Everyone knew it, so why try to pretend anymore?

He was stupid for thinking he could move on or that he and Reiner could be okay. He was even dumber for doing this when he had a perfectly good guy taking an interest in him. Eren didn’t deserve Levi and Levi didn’t deserve a loser like him.

**From Eren**

_ I’m sorry. I need to cancel our date. Something came up. _

Of course he couldn’t even be honest. The text message should’ve said something about how he was an idiot, who let his ex hurt him again, and he wanted to spend the remainder of his night eating his feelings but Eren could hardly be honest with himself about that, let alone Levi.

If Levi messaged him back, Eren had refused to check his phone and see. He could coward to the long list of words used to describe him these days.

X

Seeing the amount of food he planned to eat laid out of in front of him almost made him reconsider for a moment.  _ Almost _ .

He’d order in from several different places—Chinese from one, fried chicken and sides from another, burgers and fries from a third. It was excessive, he knew that, but this was the worst he’d felt since he’d caught Reiner in that bedroom all those months ago. This much food seemed appropriate and his only plan for the night was to sit on his couch and eat until it was gone. He didn’t care how long it took or how much it physically hurt.

After the scene he’d made in the cafeteria, his friends knew better than to come and bother him. He wanted to be left alone and it wouldn’t take a genius to guess why. He just wanted to eat and wallow in peace. It didn’t seem like too much to ask. Of course his sister had called and asked if he wanted to do something to take his mind off of things. It was Friday, they could see a movie or drive home or whatever he wanted, but he’d quickly turned down the offer. He wasn’t in the mood for being social or for being coddled. He could handle himself—even if he hadn’t stopped crying since he entered his apartment. He just kept telling himself, once he was full,  everything would feel better.

He dove into his food with a vigor he hadn’t had in a while. He was eating like his life depended on it, when anyone with eyes could see he probably should’ve been skipping more than a few meals.

It was just, the faster he got each bite down, the faster he could numb everything he was feeling.

Stupid was at the top of his list. He felt like an idiot for even thinking Reiner might have something of value to say, that maybe he’d actually apologize for cheating. It seemed he had no actual remorse. He just wanted to torture him—to cheat and then come back dangling the promise of another chance in his face.

How pathetic did he look?

Well at the moment, he looked especially pathetic. It was hard to look anything but depressing when you were sitting on the couch, legs spread wide open in sweatpants so tight, the inner thigh seams were literally tearing. His belly was resting between his legs with his shirt riding up and he didn’t even bother wasting the time to try and pull it down, too busy forcing food down his throat like a garbage disposal. For once Eren didn’t care. He was well aware of the fact that he was fat and how he’d gotten to this point. Reiner wouldn’t let him forget it. How had he phrased it? He said Eren had  _ blown up. _

It wasn’t the nicest combination of words, but it was the most accurate. It definitely got the idea across. What better way to describe Eren’s sudden transformation than to compare him to a balloon or a blimp? God forbid, you talk to him like an actual person.

God, he hated Reiner, he thought, wiping a few stray tears with the back of his hand. His ex sure knew how to ruin a day. Now instead of relaxing in his dorm, getting ready for a date with Levi, he was sobbing into a container of steamed dumplings.

Usually by now he felt at least a little better. He was halfway through his feast, already down one burger, half an order of cheese fries, three egg rolls, six dumplings, four chicken strips, a biscuit and a side of mashed potatoes. It was a lot, even for him, and he could feel his stomach sagging down with all the food, but it wasn’t enough. He wanted to feel numb, but the more he thought about everything the worse he felt.

He paused for a moment, partly to rub his mid section and partly to try and understand why this wasn’t working. His stomach was engorged, aching as he let his fingertips glide over swollen skin. His breathing was heavy and erratic, a mix of crying and being almost too stuffed to breathe, but even with all the food already filling him up, he craved more. He wanted—no  _ needed _ —to eat until the pain was gone and right now the lump in his throat was proof he was still feeling too much.

His pace slowed a little as his body caught up to his brain. Even if he felt full, that had never stopped him before. He forced down lo mein, chicken wings, and more fries with little shame. The more his stomach protested, the more compelled to stuff it. If Reiner, if  _ anyone _ , thought he was fat now, they hadn’t seen anything. If he kept gorging himself like this, he’d easily be past three hundred by Christmas break. That thought used to scare him. Now, it didn’t make him feel anything. It wasn’t like being fat made him invisible. Reiner had made it so that things would be bad for him regardless of his size. It was only a matter of time before he and Bertolt broke up and the rumor spread that it was somehow Eren’s fault.  

It would be never-ending and that thought alone only made Eren want to eat more.

Even as his right hand worked to feed him, his left was doing its best to try and sooth his stomach as much as it could. The circular motion helped a little but feeling just how much he’d let himself go was discouraging. He hated how soft he’d let himself get, shuddering whenever his arm brushed past a roll on his side or his hand grazed over a stretch mark on his underbelly. He hated how much flab he could squeeze in one hand and still have fat overflowing around it. Even his fingers were getting chubby and yet he couldn’t stop stuffing his face.

He was working his way through a side of mac and cheese when he heard it, the distinct sound of someone knocking on his door.

It wasn’t like he was expecting more food—though he doubted anyone would be surprised if he was. It was probably Mikasa, out being overprotective as always. As if they both didn’t know he was in here eating twice his weight in fast food and grease. It would’ve been more surprising to find him in here not eating these days.

“Mikasa please, just go away!” He shouted, though it was probably muffled through food and sobs.

When he didn’t get an immediate response, he thought he’d won but that wouldn’t been too easy. Hearing the voice on the other side of the door had him wishing it was Mikasa.

“It’s not your sister, but she did ask me to check on you. Would you mind opening up? It’s cold out here.”

Levi.  _ She’d sent Levi? _

Of course she had. It was a genius move really. She knew he wouldn’t open for her. He didn’t want to open the door for Levi either, but he couldn’t just leave him out there…

Then again what was he supposed to say? He’d cancelled their date so he could wallow if self pity after a bad encounter with his ex? As if he wasn’t pathetic enough.

Besides, he couldn’t let Levi see  _ this.  _ Sure, Levi was well aware of how fat he was and he knew Eren could eat, but this was disgusting. There were so many containers covering his coffee table you couldn’t even see the surface. Eren was sure he’d spilled something on his shirt. His pants were barely holding together as it was, fixed under his belly and digging into his hips only making his sides muffin over the edges. Plus he couldn’t forget how splotchy his face got after a good cry.

He didn’t know what to do.

“I don’t know why she sent you but I’m fine! You don’t—you don’t have to check on me!”

“So you didn’t have a fight with Reiner? And you’re not crying either?” Yelled Levi.

Eren couldn’t answer either question without lying. It was evident from the muffled sobs escaping his mouth that he was clearly upset.

“Come on Eren! I didn’t come all this way to yell at you through the door! Let me help you.”

For once, Eren wished he hadn’t come at all. There wasn’t enough time for him to trash his evidence. Even if there was, he was too full for cleaning anyway. He could barely push himself off the couch to open the damn door in the first place. Instead he just leaned over the arm of the couch and undid the lock.

“It’s open,” he yelled as he quickly tried to close his legs and pull his shirt down as far as it could go.

Levi walked in without a word, his eyes only briefly scanning the room as he closed the door. If Levi was looking at Eren, he couldn’t tell because he had his eyes focused on the floor. If he could will himself to spontaneously combust, well that would be amazing.

“So you’ve seen me,” he said after several moments of awkward silence. “Are you happy? You can report back to my sister now. Tell her how bad it is.”

“Eren it’s not like that. I’m not going to report back to her. She was just worried about you. I was too honestly.”

Eren was tired of people being worried about him.

He hoped if he sat there long enough, not acknowledging Levi’s presence that he might go away. It wasn’t that he actually wanted him to leave but it seemed like his only option really. As if he’d want to date him anymore after catching him in a full on binge. Now that he’d actually seen what he was dealing with, what a handful Eren really was, surely he’d wash his hands of him. Eren wouldn’t even blame him. He was a mess.

Any minute now Levi would head for the door. He would make a swift, clean exit and they’d probably never talk again. No harm no foul, but instead of running, Eren could hear his feet shuffling across the carpet towards him. He flinched when he felt the couch sink beside him as Levi took a seat. Why didn’t he ever do what Eren expected of him?

“I can see why you canceled our date,” he said.

“Is that a joke?” He didn’t know what to make of the statement or how he was supposed to respond honestly. Levi didn’t sound like he was judging but how could he not be unless he was making fun of him?

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but jokes aren’t exactly my specialty.”

He’d noticed. Levi was usually pretty straight forward, painfully so sometimes.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked.

Of course he didn’t. Eren did not want to have this conversation, not here, not now. Not when he was bloated like a beach ball, with a table covered in food that he still planned to eat laid out in front of them. He could barely make eye contact let alone talk about it.

All he could think was that he was going to kill his sister for this later.

“Im sure Mikasa already gave you the basics.”

“She did, and we can leave it at that if you want. You might feel better if you stop holding it in though.”

“I can only whine about Reiner so many times before it gets old. I can’t come to you every time I have a problem with my ex.”

“Why not?”

“Well eventually I’m sure you’ll get tired of it.”

“You think I’d get tired of helping you?”

“I think anyone would get tired of having to cater to my pity parties. It’s not everyone’s job to come running to console me every time I have a problem.”

“And it’s better to push everyone away instead? Your friends are pretty worried you know.”

“I don’t know why. This is like the third huge break down I’ve had this semester and it’s barely October. It’s not their responsibility to fix me. Besides…they all know what I’m really doing when I run off anyway,” he said, gesturing at the table in front of him.

“Punishing yourself for being upset? Reiner went out of his way to hurt you. The fact that you’re hurting this bad hardly seems fair.”

“I shouldn’t keep letting him hurt me.”

“You’re not letting him do it. You can’t help how you feel. You shouldn’t keep beating yourself up over feeling some shit either.”

Maybe Levi had a point but Eren didn’t see how he could think that way. How could any of his friends? They were bound to get tired of him eventually. They’d toss him aside, just like Reiner had. And then what would he have left? Fast food? An insatiable sweet tooth? It was better than having nothing left, he supposed.

Gently, Levi’s hand grazed his thigh, stopping just above his knee. He gave a light squeeze and Eren couldn’t help but wonder how he tolerated touching him at all. There was just so much of him. He saw the way people stared whenever he was stuffed into his desk in class or walking down the hall. People who’s once thought the world of him, now thought he was gross. He couldn’t say he didn’t agree. How did Levi not?

“You know it’s okay to eat,” Levi said, his voice serious but somehow calming, “There’s nothing wrong with it.”

For normal people maybe. For people who weren’t constantly eating their feelings, which he clearly had a lot of judging by his portion sizes.

“Not like this. This is…,” Eren gestured vaguely at the size of the spread, unable to find the right words, “I don’t know how you’re still sitting here after seeing… after seeing how I ended up like  _ this _ .” He let his hands drop down, squeezing chunks of his stomach so tightly it might just bruise.

Slowly, Levi reached out, his hand approaching cautiously just in case Eren lashed out. It wasn’t a far-fetched thought Eren supposed, but he didn’t get upset, only stared as Levi placed a hand on his stomach and gently pressed into it. He didn’t retract, not like Reiner had.

“There is  _ nothing _ wrong with this. I don’t care what anyone says. I told you before, I like you, and this is a part of you. I like it just as much.”

This wasn’t the first time Levi had assured Eren he was interested in him, despite his baggage, despite his appearance. It was just so hard to believe him. If he wasn’t desirable enough for his boyfriend not to cheat on him before, how was he desirable now?

And even if Levi really did like him, Eren didn’t understand what he’d done to deserve someone so perfect.  

“You’re too good to me,” he said, placing a hand on top of Levi’s. He felt awkward, touching his stomach and trying not to hate it.

“You say that like its bad.”

“I’m just waiting for the catch. This all seems a little too good to be true.”

“How about instead of just waiting for something awful to happen, you just trust me?”

Eren figured he could do that. He’d trusted Reiner. Levi was leagues better than him already and he hadn’t given Eren a reason to distrust him yet. As much as he tried to project his trust issues on Levi, give himself an excuse when everything went to shit, he just couldn’t. He didn’t really want to.

“I can try,” he said before letting out a heavy sigh, his eyes falling towards the coffee table. “I just wish you hadn’t had to see me like  _ this.” _

Levi shook his head, and no matter how hard he looked, Eren couldn’t find a hint of pity in his eyes. “I told you, there’s nothing to be ashamed of.”  

He wanted to deny it, but with Levi somehow it really did feel okay. So Eren let himself be embraced, collapsing into Levi as if releasing himself of a thousand-pound weight. It was relieving to feel his arms wrap around him, pulling him tight without a hint of rejection or disgust.

“I ruined our date again,” he said, muffled into Levi’s chest.  

“Says who?”

“Me, just now.”

“I can still cook for you tomorrow.”

And instinctively Eren felt himself flinch, but a quick squeeze from Levi had him calming down before he could panic.

“Okay. Tomorrow.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi finally get to go on that second date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whooo! here it is! the last chapter! took forever but its done!!! 
> 
> I'd like to thank everyone who ever left kudos or comments! Thanks to everyone who stuck with me through this whole story! I appreciate it! 
> 
> Eren and Levi finally get their second date! A lot of this chapter is that with a little touch of fun at the end ;) Enjoy!

Eren couldn’t pretend he wasn’t nervous when Levi opened the door for him the next evening. With everything that had happened the last week, he expected something to come along and ruin this night too, yet so far everything was going well. He was on time tonight. His body was fully intact this time—no injuries or bruises. Those were two good starts he thought as Levi leaned in and kissed him.

“Dinner should be ready in a few minutes and I have wine on the table if you want a glass.”

“That would be great,” he said. A glass would surely ease his nerves. He had nothing to be worried about, he  _ knew  _ that, but it didn’t stop his body from feeling anxious, like something could go wrong. He tried to shut up his overactive mind while Levi poured a dark red liquid into his glass.

It was so bitter, Eren could smell it from where he was standing. He wasn’t a big red drinker himself, usually opting for something sweet and white that he could get hammered on without hating. This would still do the job, he figured. It would distract him from how surreal it was to actually be inside Levi’s place.

Unlike him, Levi had a real apartment, just on the edge of campus. It was nice, not that he has expected anything less. It was bigger than his own place, with an actual dining area and touches of character in the structure, as opposed to Eren’s cookie cutter dorm room. It was spotless, with every surface wiped down and clutter free. The décor was dark but simple. It all seemed very fitting, exactly what Eren would’ve expected from Levi.

“Your place is nice,” Eren commented, stepping into the kitchen, “Seems very  _ you.” _

Levi laughed to himself, “Is that a compliment?”

“Of course.”

He liked everything about Levi and anything that reminded Eren of him was just as good. Despite being here for the first time, Eren felt strangely comfortable in the place. It was relaxing and so much better than being on campus. Campus had too many triggers, too many reminders. Levi’s place was new, untouched by Eren or anyone he knew. He could make new memories here. He could make memories that were just for him and Levi to enjoy, like a fresh start. The idea seemed so promising.

The first memory, would be how great Levi looked standing in the kitchen with an apron over his neck. It was cute and innocent in a way. Though Eren’s mind just kept drifting to what he might look like with only apron on and nothing underneath. He quickly tried to shove that idea aside, as if he needed a hard on to make his already tight pants even more uncomfortable.

“So what’s on the menu?”

Whatever it was smelled delicious. He was catching wafts of garlic and butter as he stood back sipping his wine. Whatever it was, Levi surely looked to be outdoing himself.

“Lobster tails,” he answered, and Eren damn near choked on his latest sip.

“ _ You’re serious?” _

“Yeah, are you not a fan?”

“It’s not that…” It wasn’t that at all. As if anyone would turn down a quality lobster dinner. “It’s just…well you didn’t have to go all out for me. That sounds like a lot of work and a lot of money.”

“Lobster cooks pretty fast if you know what you’re doing and they were having a two for one seafood special at the market so I thought why not?”

Eren still felt skeptical. It was nice that Levi was cooking for him, but he hadn’t expected anything more than maybe spaghetti or a meatloaf or something else incredibly basic. He wasn’t worth going all out for.

“Besides,” continued Levi, casually waving his hand, “Since this is my first time cooking for you, I have to show off so you know I can do it. Then next time I can slack off and pop a pizza in the oven or something.”

Eren wondered why he didn’t. He obviously would’ve eaten it. He would’ve eaten whatever Levi served. There was still part of him that felt like he was just lucky to be here, lucky to have anyone show interest in him at all at this size.

“Relax,” Levi grinned before planting a quick peck on his cheek, “That was a joke—told you I wasn’t very good at them.”

“Not at all.” Though it was hard to be upset when Levi was smirking at him like  _ that.  _ It was almost unfair how perfect his face was. Or just how perfect he was. There wasn’t a single flaw about him and Eren could point out at least eighty on himself—probably more considering the way he’d been eating lately.

Even after hours of cooking, Levi looked amazing. Eren had only just gotten ready and he still found himself messing with his unruly hair or tugging at his shirt. He’d tried on more outfits than he wanted to admit, just trying to find something that fit well. Even now, the button up he’d chosen wasn’t exactly the most comfortable, but it was decent enough and looked  _ okay _ . It was as good as it was going to get at least. His pants were another story. He’d just had to go with the biggest ones he’d had considering he hadn’t stopped gaining weight since he’d stepped foot on campus. He’d had to push them under his belly just to get them to button, but at least they were on. He wasn’t going to lie and pretend everything fit well when he was sucking his stomach in in hopes he wouldn’t burst out of something.

Watching Levi work was pretty distracting. For someone who clearly liked to eat, Eren didn’t consider himself the best cook. His specialties included box Mac and cheese and microwaving dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets. Considering his mother had always cooked, he’d never really bothered to learn how learned how. Maybe if he’d learned, he wouldn’t be living on a diet of fast food and cafeteria trash…or he’d just cook way too much and eat it all in one sitting? It was probably the latter if he was being completely honest with himself.

“Are you ready to eat?” Levi asked, pot in his hands and pulling Eren out of his thoughts. He hadn’t realized he’d gone through an entire glass of wine, but he could feel the beginnings of a buzz settling in. Drinking always made him hungry.

“Y-Yeah. Can I help you grab anything?”

“There’s some other dishes on the counter if you wanna grab one and follow me to the table.”

From the looks of it, there were several dishes covered in foil on the counter. Levi really had gone above and beyond from what he could tell. As he brought food to the table and watched Levi uncover it, he saw a spread that made his mouth water—lobster, crab cakes, Mac and cheese, baked potatoes, asparagus in some sort of garlic butter sauce, and rolls. If he’d thought he could come over here and eat a modest plate he was dead wrong.

Suddenly he felt nervous. He didn’t want to embarrass himself overeating but Levi sure as hell hadn’t made it easy. Then again, it wasn’t like he hadn’t seen Eren’s epic binge last weekend. He knew how much he could eat in one sitting. He was probably afraid if he didn’t make a lot that Eren would go hungry…as if skipping a few meals wouldn’t be the best thing for him anyway.

“If you’ll fill the glasses again, I’ll make the plates.”

That sounded easy. Eren figured he could do that much without screwing it up. He quickly poured two more glasses of wine and took his seat across from Levi’s.

Watching him make the plates, Eren knew he was in trouble. Levi served up what were probably normal sized portions, for people who weren’t binge eating every night. With plates this size, Eren could easily take down three servings and God knew he didn’t want to humiliate himself like that.

But  _ fuck, _ the spread smelled intoxicating and looked even better.

“You gonna taste it or just stare at the plate all night? Don’t tell me it looks so bad you don’t even want to try it.”

Eren glanced up, hoping he hadn’t really given Levi that impression but instead of concern, he saw his date smiling back at him. “Joke?” He asked.

“Joke,” Levi assured. “Now eat, before you kill what’s left of my confidence.”

As if that was even possible. Like Levi had any reason not to be confident in anything he did. His food looked good and when Eren tasted it, it was better than he imagined—like his mother’s cooking. Not only was it delicious, it was borderline  dangerous. If no one else was around, this was the kind of meal he would force himself to eat until it was all gone, no matter how full he felt or how long it took.

“You have nothing to be worried about. It tastes amazing.”

It was hard to keep himself from ravishing it like he did with everything else. 

“I’m glad you like it. There’s a ton, so eat as much as you want.”

That was an invitation Eren did not need. He was trying to be good. He was trying not to turn Levi off and it was a miracle he hadn’t already. He was on a one plate limit, that’s what he’d told himself before he got here. If he wanted his shirt buttons to stay in tact, one plate was where he’d stop himself.

“Where’d you learn to cook?” He asked in a feeble attempt to distract himself.

Immediately he regretted the question. Levi paused, licking his lips as he thought. It sent shivers up his spine and he found himself squeezing his thighs together under the table to compose himself. How long had it been that something so small was turning him on?

“Hmm, I guess I picked up things here and there from trial and error. I grew up with my uncle and he worked a lot so I did most of the housekeeping. Do you cook?”

“Not at all. My mom did all the cooking growing up. I can boil water well enough to make ramen or Mac and cheese and that’s about the extent of my skills.”

“As an adult, that’s pretty pathetic.”

“Trust me, I’m aware.” Eren wondered if his lack of practical skills would be the deal breaker but Levi was smiling.

“You’ll have to let me teach you then. It can be our next date.” He’d take any excuse to see Levi in an apron again.

“Already assuming you’re getting another date huh?”  

By the way he raised his brow, Eren could only assume he’d caught Levi off guard for once.

“Well played.”

“Thank you—but I would enjoy that.” Another guaranteed date with Levi, how could he turn that down? And maybe if he learned to cook he wouldn’t be so inclined to eat garbage all the time.

Levi seemed excited by the idea. “It’s nice to enjoy a home cooked meal every now and then.”

“Do you cook a lot?”

“Not as often as I’d like with classes, but this was a good reason to make an exception.”

Eren tried to think of a response but instead he found himself silent and turning bright red. “You really didn’t have to.”

“But I wanted to,” he said, looking down at Eren’s almost bare plate. “Are you ready for more?”

His pants said no, but his stomach was begging for it. Maybe one more plate wouldn’t hurt? If it was small it would be okay. That’s what he kept telling himself. But there was no such thing as small with him anymore. He either ate a ton or he didn’t eat at all.

If he was smart he’d stop now, especially if he wanted to have any hope of Levi taking him to bed. Not that Levi couldn’t take him when he was full, but he’d rather not lie there uselessly like a beached whale. It was one thing to be fat but to be fat and suck in bed? Eren couldn’t come back from that.

He didn’t realize how long he’d been thinking until Levi cleared his throat. “Daydreaming are we?”

“No!”

“So you do or don’t want more then?”

Eren bit at his lip. He honestly hadn’t decided yet. In his head he was still trying to rationalize eating more while convincing himself to eat less.

“As adorable as you look when you’re thinking that hard,” started Levi, walking behind Eren’s seat. He pressed his chin into the crook of his neck, his hands settling themselves on either side of Eren’s waist. “I promise you it’s a pretty simple question.”

It sure as hell didn’t feel simple, especially not with Levi’s fingertips sinking into his belly. He was the weirdest combination of turned on and embarrassed, making his throat dry up and his hair stand on end. He couldn’t respond if he wanted to.

“You keep acting like it’s some crime to eat in front of me, like I’m going to judge you or something. Think Eren, if I was going to shame you, I surely would’ve done it by now.”

This could still be some crazy long drawn out plan to embarrass him, Eren thought. Though he couldn’t figure out why someone would put that much effort into embarrassing him, especially Levi at that. He knew he was just looking for excuses but how could he not? What did he have to offer exactly?

“Eren, if I didn’t like you, we wouldn’t be on a date right now. I definitely wouldn’t have put this much effort into it unless I thought you were worth it. How many times do I have to tell you I like you just the way you are?”

“I just…” God he didn’t want to say it. Even if he harped on himself about his weight twenty-four seven, he didn’t want to keep subjecting Levi to that. “I don’t know what to say.”

“I promise I’m not trying to pressure you Eren. Whatever you want, I’m here to support you. That’s what boyfriends do. You want another plate, I’ll make it. You want to start a diet tomorrow, we can do that. I’m here for you…but either way,  _ this Eren _ ,” he gently squeezed Eren’s side for emphasis, “Is the only Eren I’ve ever known and I think he’s perfect the way he is.”  

He didn’t know how Levi constantly managed to do this, to make him feel like maybe his weight wasn’t a big deal. Somehow when Levi touched him he didn’t feel gross. He wasn’t as confident as he’d been before, but he didn’t completely want to pull away and cover up either. He felt comfortable, secure, knowing Levi actually meant what he said.

He placed his hands on top of Levi’s and turned to kiss his cheek. “You’re unbelievable, you know that? Nobody’s ever been this good to me. I’m just trying to get used to this.”

“Take your time. I promise I’m not going to change my mind.”

“I know,” he said, “and if you’re still offering, I’d go for that second plate.”

“Eat as much as you want.”

X

Eren might’ve take the invitation to east as much as he wanted and ran with it a little too hard. As much as he’d really, truly wanted to not overeat on this date, it was looking like he was surely going to fail at that.

“I shouldn’t,” he said as Levi filled up his third plate. He had no business eating more, but he wanted to and Levi didn’t seem to be against the idea. “But it’s so good. You cooking like this is going to be dangerous for my waistline.”

“Probably better for you than eating out everyday at least.”

Levi has a valid point there. Though, as Eren palmed at his stomach, he supposed it didn’t really matter  _ what  _ he ate. He was already full. The pressure he was feeling in his gut told him that much. His shirt was barely containing him now. He thanked God that the table at least blocked the way his bottom buttons were gaping from view. He already felt like a pig. He didn’t need to look like one too.

The next time he went home, he’d surely need to invest in larger shirts. He’d probably need larger pants too—the real kind, with buttons and stuff. His mom would be happy to take him. She’s be happy to see him in something other than sweatpants and t-shirts again. His dad probably wouldn’t be pleased to see him come home even rounder than when he’d left, but at least he was making some sort of progress. That counted for something.

He shifted in his chair, hoping a change of position might ease his discomfort some but it was no use. Not stuffing himself would probably be the best solution, but it was far too late for that. The plate Levi set in front of him was not small by any means. Eren liked a challenge though. He’d devoured this much and more in the past.

“Is that enough?” Levi asked.

“Yeah that’s perfect.”

Levi looked fairly proud of himself. Now that Eren had seemed to relax, his date was that much more at ease as well. Levi really did just want him to be comfortable and he seemed content now that Eren was too.

Since he’d already finished eating, Levi had moved his seat closer to Eren while he went through his second, and now third plates. At first they’d just talked, made regular conversation about Levi’s cooking skills, school and whatever else. Now that the small talk was winding down and they were working on their third glass of wine, Levi seemed more handsy. He leaned his head in one hand, supported by the table, but the other way making stops all along Eren’s body. He squeezed his thigh, moved up to his hip. Currently his hand pressed against Eren’s waist, his thumb drawing, slow delicate circles against the tight fabric of his shirt.

The contact was enough to send shivers up Eren’s spine. “It’s kind of hard to eat when you keep touching me like  _ that. _ ”

“Eat faster then.”

“You’re the one who encouraged me to eat so much in the first place.”

“And I want you to eat your fill, but even I get anxious. I can’t help it if I’m excited by the idea what happens when you’re done.”

“And what’s that?”

“Less talking, finish eating.”

“Mhmm,” Eren rolled his eyes, mouth full of food. He wasn’t going to pretend he’d never sat on his couch and inhaled food before, but it always ended in a stomach ache. He didn’t want to spend the rest of night nursing his aching belly because he couldn’t control himself. Levi told him to eat.

He wanted to enjoy this while it lasted. What more could he ask for? He was on a date, with a crazy hot guy, eating well and not being judged for it. Levi could hardly keep his hands off of him and he’d even…well he’d used a title Eren thought he might never hear again. It could’ve been a mistake. They were drinking and having a moment…but he hoped that wasn’t true.

He cleared his throat, just barely peeking up at Levi as he started, “So…earlier…”

“Yeah?” Levi glanced up, his hand still twiddling at Eren’s shirt.

“You called me your boyfriend.”

“I guess I did, didn’t I?” He said it so casually Eren almost didn’t know how to respond.

“You did…So was that a mistake or do I not get a choice in the matter?”

That made Levi pause. He lifted his head. His hand stopped moving. He looked almost nervous for once. Eren hoped he hadn’t made a mistake in asking.

“Well of course you get a choice,” he said, “Im not going to force you into anything, especially considering your recent breakup. It slipped out, but I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea.”

“That question was a joke…but wouldn’t be either…”

Almost immediately Levi let out a sigh of relief. “God, my bad humor’s rubbing off on you. Hurry up and then we can really make things official.”

X

If Eren wasn’t trying to looked as stuffed as he felt, sitting on the edge of the bed probably wasn’t the best position for that. His stomach only seemed to puff out more, spilling over the hem of his pants and brushing against his thighs. If Levi was struggling to reach his button because he stomach was in the way, he didn’t say so. Eren could tell though. He’d had the same struggle more than once. Hell he’d had it just getting dressed tonight even. Pants weren’t exactly the most comfortable clothing item these days. He leaned back onto his left palm, hoping to relieve some of the tension, and used his right hand to push his belly up just a little.

“You shouldn’t have let me eat so much,” he said, looking down to meet Levi’s eyes. As if he wouldn’t have eaten just as much without any coaxing.

“Why not? You seemed to be enjoying yourself.”

That was true, but in all fairness, Eren enjoyed  _ everything,  _ if his current weight was any indication.

“Yeah, but now we’re in your bed and I’m so stuffed you can’t get my pants off and I can barely breath, let alone move,” he said as Levi tugged at his pants again, or attempted at least. Of course they seemed to get caught right over the roundest part of his thighs. It took a few extra sharp pulls, causing Eren’s stomach to jiggle more than he would’ve liked in the process but Levi finally managed to slide them down, leaving him in just his boxers and his button up shirt.

“Well you don’t have to worry about that. This night is all about me spoiling you remember?”

“Yeah,” Eren started, “but you’re always spoiling me. I still don’t get why.”

Why someone like Levi was currently going through all the trouble of trying to undress him, especially when the payoff was less than stellar in Eren’s opinion. Now that his pants were off, his shirt was no longer willing to stay nice and tame over his belly. It had immediately rolled up above his belly button, leaving the bottom roll of pudge fully exposed on his thighs. There was no point in even trying to pull the shirt back down, not when he was sitting. It had been a miracle that the shirt had stayed tucked in during dinner, considering how wide the holes between the buttons had started to gape. This was just humiliating.

Eren didn’t like to watch his own hands try to navigate putting on or taking off clothes. It was even worse watching Levi’s hands prod into his stomach, pushing aside more than a few extra pounds of fat just to be able to unbutton his shirt. He seemed content, unfazed, even as his hands came in contact with the dozens of stretch marks Eren had developed in the last few months. He still hadn’t gotten used to how they felt, protruding roughly out of his once smooth skin. Levi hardly seemed to notice them, or any of his other imperfections for that matter. All Eren could focus on was how much bigger he looked after eating, or how sitting made his stomach split into two rolls piled on top of each other, or the way his chest piled on top of those or—

“I can practically see the wheels turning in your head. Stop trying to justify it and just relax for once. Your nervous fidgeting is making this take longer.”

“ _ Pretty sure my fidgeting isn’t the reason you can’t get my shirt off _ ,” mumbled Eren as Levi played with the next button, kneading his knuckles into his gut until it popped open.

For every button Levi got undone, Eren watched a little more of his belly flop out until there was nothing left to cover him. If he felt exposed before, he truly was now in nothing but his boxers. The only person to see him this freely since he’d put on weight was himself and even he tried not to stare too long, but Levi wouldn’t stop looking, drinking it all in.

Levi placed one hand on Eren’s cheek, letting the other clench at his waist as he leaned in to kiss him. “You’re beautiful you know.”

_ Hardly.  _ He damn sure didn’t feel that way, not when his bloated stomach was rolling over the hem of his underwear. How the hell could that possibly be sexy?

“You don’t believe me,” Levi said and it wasn’t a question. Eren had been nervous since they’d gotten into the bedroom. Even if he wanted this, and Lord knew he did, the part where he had to be naked to get it was less than stellar. “It’s alright, I’m going to show you.”

There was a part of Eren that knew gaining weight had made certain areas a little more sensitive to things like touch. His inter thighs, his stomach, his chest—they weren’t places he’d paid a lot of attention to before but now, it was different. Just the right amount of pressure could set off sparks in him he hadn’t realized he’d had before and apparently Levi must’ve known as well. The way his hands were gliding between his thighs, spreading them apart, slow and gentle, as if Eren could break at any moment. The anticipation alone was driving him up a wall.

Levi was nothing if not meticulous, placing carefully planted kissed up his thighs. The higher his lips went, the more excited Eren became. He’d barely been touching him five minutes and already he was biting his lip, ready to go further.

He tried to be patient. He even managed to hold his tongue and Levi slowly worked his fingers under the hem of his boxers and slid them down his legs—a much easier feat than working with his pants at least.

For a moment Levi paused and Eren feared the worst. It seemed stupid to think Levi would suddenly change his mind now, but there was still part of Eren that thought this was a joke, one he was the punchline to. Instead of pulling away, Levi pushed him onto his back and crawled on top of him, straddling his waist. He tried not to focus on the contrast between his own plush stomach and Levi’s toned one as he leaned against him. Even with their lips locked, it was hard not to notice how much softer he was, how much wider he was, how much bigger—

“I thought I told you to stop thinking so much. I swear I can hear it.”

Was he being that obvious?

“No you can’t,” he said, refusing to even look in Levi’s direction. He just wanted to back to fooling around, maybe get to the part where he was on his hands and knees with Levi plowing him into the mattress so he didn’t have to see how big he actually was.

“I can’t?” He said, as if it were a challenge.

Eren wasn’t sure what to expect as Levi pulled back, but suddenly the mouth he’d been trying to focus on just moments before, was leaving a trail of kisses from his chest down to his stomach. Levi’s  _ lips _ were actually making contact with his  _ stomach _ —with the flab and the stretch marks and and he wasn’t throwing up.

“You think I care about this,” he said, taking a minute to breathe. When Eren didn’t answer, Levi placed a hand at the bottom of his belly, taking a generous handful. “Or this?”

His let his fingers trace over the marks on Eren’s stomach. “Do you really think if any of these bothered me I’d be here?”

He supposed not. Levi didn’t seem that desperate or desperate at all really. He surely had other, hotter prospects.

“I like you first Eren, nothing else. And you like me right?”

“Yeah.”

“And you want this?”

More than anything, he thought. He’d practically been begging for it last week, but he simply nodded. “Of course I do.”

“So act like it.”

This time when Levi kissed him, Eren tried to think of anything other than his weight. It had been so long since someone touched him and not recoiled, he had to admit it felt good. It felt so good to be wanted. He just needed to focus on how his body was naturally reacting to Levi’s touch.

He relaxed, fully immersing himself in the moment. He let his own hands roam Levi’s waist, gripping his hip bones. They were so sharp. They made Levi seem so fragile. It was a good thing he was on top, Eren thought but he tried to push the idea from his mind and move to something more positive—like how solid Levi’s abs were, and how the muscles dipped under his fingertips, or how Levi seemed to shiver when he touched him.  

It was going well. Eren could do this. He could enjoy himself. He was already enjoying himself, if his hard on was any indication.

He could cum at any moment but he tried to contain himself. Even if he was that desperate, he didn’t want to come off that easy. He hadn’t touched himself in weeks, hating the way he had to reach past his gut just to get off. It was kind of hard to focus on enjoying himself when his fist kept rubbing up against his underbelly. Apparently his body was more than excited about the idea of finally being allowed some relief.

“Are you alright?” Levi asked, pushing up on his palms, “You’re getting tense again.”

Eren could hardly hold back, looking at Levi leaning over him, hair deselected, face flushed. God he was gorgeous. It was hard to believe this wasn’t anything than a wet dream he’d wake up from in the morning.

“Yeah, I just…it’s been a while, you know?”

He watched Levi’s eyes narrow, confused at first. Eren gestured down with his own gaze and suddenly he seemed to comprehend. If he made fun of him, Eren wouldn’t even be surprised. He was thoroughly embarrassed enough already. He could add quick buster to his list of reasons Levi would stop talking to him.

Instead of laughing, Levi smirked. “I can do something about that now if you want?”

“I ugh…I mean…I can hold out a little longer.”

“Why?” Asked Levi as he pushed back and began to pull Eren’s boxers from his hips. “We have all night. You can get up again right?”

“Yeah.” With Levi in front of him it wouldn’t be a hard feat to accomplish.

“Perfect.”

Before Eren knew it, Levi’s mouth was wrapped around him. His hips buckled almost immediately. He gripped at the sheets, trying to center himself before he lost it completely. It didn’t matter that every time Levi swallowed him deeper, he came in contact with his belly. Eren didn’t care if his hands were digging into the fat surrounding his inner thighs. It felt too good for him to think about anything else.

If he lasted more than a minute after that, he’d consider it an accomplishment.

X

Eren managed to return the favor and last two rounds before his stamina couldn’t take it anymore. Honestly he was surprised he made it that long considering he wasn’t in the best of shape anymore.

For now he laid, naked, legs tangled up in Levi’s while he cuddled against his chest. He was panting more than he thought he should be, but from what he could feel, Levi’s heart was beating pretty quickly as well. His hands were playing with Eren’s hair, while he gazed down at him.

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel a little self conscious now. Twenty minutes ago he’d been on his back, not the least bit concerned about his body. If Levi has any issues, they surely wouldn’t pop up after seeing Eren’s naked body jiggle underneath his. This was okay. Levi looking at him wasn’t a bad thing. His belly pressing up against Levi’s side wasn’t a bad thing.

The fact that he was overweight didn’t have to be a bad thing either. He didn’t have to keep putting himself down. 

They’d gone on dates. They’d slept together. Levi has seen Eren hurt, he’d seen him upset, he’d seen him at his lowest. Yet he was still here, acting as if Eren was truly a prize he couldn’t believe he’d been lucky enough to even be considered for. It made him feel special in a way Reiner never had, but most of all, he felt grateful. The idea that someone could like him at a time when he wasn’t always sure he liked himself, and maybe even love him one of these days, made him feel like more than enough. It made him feel like everything would turn out fine. It made him ready to accept the fact that it might be time to finally open himself up to healing.  

How could he continue to hate something Levi loved so much?

He leaned in, planting one last kiss on Levi before lying back down. This one felt different somehow, longer, passionate,  _ special _ .

“Oh what was that for?” Levi asked, pulling Eren in closer.

“Everything.”

It had been a while since Eren felt this good, but it really had been worth the wait.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
